unhappy family

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
unhappy family
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 9:43pm
Hi everyone,

I have always been on Ivillage, but I never need this message board before. I was wondering if any of you had any advice for me. I am a sister to three older brothers. I have never been real close with them because of the 9-12 year age difference between me and them. It has been difficult but I try to make conversations when I am obviously still not taken seriously at the age of 27. I find myself to live a happy life. I have a lot to be greatful for, however, other family members view their lives differently. The majority of my immediatel family see their childhood as miserable and it seems to have translated into their adult life. It is very difficult to be happy around these people when I feel like I am rubbing it in. Usually when two of them get together, and it would only be two because two of them will not be caught in the same room together, they point out my flaws and question things about me and my life. I am not taken seriously and I am rarely called upon unless they need a favor. The last time a favor was needed I said no and I was considered the worst person. They could not believe I would say no. Now, a couple years later, my relationship with them still suffers, and it is not through lack of effort, but I have really lost my enthusiasm with them. Two of them love being with each other and complaining. It is difficult to get close to two of them and the other one tells me he loves me, but our conversations are awkward because of the age difference. I would love any advice because there are so many conflicts within the family now and I am concerned about getting caught in the middle of it all. Right now I am the only one involved in each of their lives, no matter how minimal that is. Any suggestions? I love my family and it crushes me that we cannot get together, but I want to know that I am doing everything I can.
Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: jfulgi
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 3:58pm
Welcome to Venting about Family Matters. I'm gald that you found your way to this board with your problem. Family can be very difficult to deal with. If you read some of the posts around here you will see that each person here has a problem that they are dealing with.

You sound like you are dealing with your brothers as best as you can. You have maintained a relationship with each of them. However small that is. You are not required to be best friends just because you are related. And you are not responsible for their happiness. I have ones in my family that are just happy to complain. It is just what they do. If I found a solution for everything they complained about, they would just come up with something else to complain about. Complaining is what they do and they are good at it.

You have choosen to be happy. That is so wonderful. If it is a problem for others just tell them that you choose to be happy and it isn't easy when everyone around is always trying to bring you down. Then continue to be happy. You are doing a wonderful job!!