Update: BF's daughters visit.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Update: BF's daughters visit.
8
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 4:18pm

If you care to, you can read my original post somewhere here on the Venting board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 4:35pm

I have a different take on it.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 4:45pm

IMO your friend should have been falling all over herself thanking you for keeping her dd, and for being so understanding about her sister not getting the child when originally planned.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 4:57pm
I've considered this but I don't know that I will ever know the answer. My gut is telling me that I was the one being a hindrance, not her sister. She's very vocal, so I don't understand why she didn't say something like: "I'm sorry, my sister is having issues."
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 5:00pm
Thank you. I know I would have been falling over myself, had I been in her shoes. The problem is, she has taken advantage of me in the past. I try chalk it up to her poor unbringing but she's 34 years old now. We've had one other serious discussion, in person, about this very thing. If she's still doing it, it begs the question: "Does she care?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 7:18pm

Discussing an issue, and enforcing the resolution are two different approaches.

I think if you want to see a change in your friend, you will have to enforce some boundaries that benefit you.

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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 10:03am

I may not be able to do any favors for her in the future, but I'm sure that will mean the end of the friendship.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 3:03pm
"I may not be able to do any favors for her in the future, but I'm sure that will mean the end of the friendship. She has a bit of an entitled attitude and when people in her life don't follow through with her expectations, they get the axe."

I really don't understand why after so long, even after having a "serious" talk with her about respect, you are considering having another talk with her. She sounds irresponsible and rude, and you even say that she has an "entitled attitude" and axes people when she doesn't get her way--why would you want to be a "friend" to that?

Personally, I still can't get over how blase she seems about her own daughter's wellbeing and whereabouts.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 4:03pm
You have valid points. I'm already wrestling with the same thoughts as yourself. My mind is telling me to cut her loose, but my heart is still hopefull that she will see the err of her ways, and make some changes. As I posted which, you may not have seen, I'm just going to let it play out. I'm not contacting her. I'm not signing up for anymore favors. If she can accept the fact that she basically kicked the gift horse in the mouth, and apologize, I might reconsider ending the friendship but I will be settnig some clear boundaries. If she can't respect those, I just won't be able to be there for her anymore.