UPDATE on friend moving and has no time for us:

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
UPDATE on friend moving and has no time for us:
6
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 2:37am

My friend and her family moved

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 3:34pm

Your post is all about everything your friend didn't do....what did YOU do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 4:27pm

After reading again and rethinking . . .

I don't think you dropped the ball.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 6:41pm
They had professional movers who packed everything up for them and put it in the truck, so they did not need to do anything, otherwise I would have helped. (I was going to offer to help with their kids, too, but they had another friend that they had asked who took the kids to thier house.) I did not go over to her house because she looked very busy "supervising" the movers and I did not want t interupt her. I was going to stop by later on, when the movers left, but when I got home from an driving my DD to a class, they were gone. (Since I hadn't actually talked to her on Mon or Tue, I did not know exactly when they were leaving.)

Just so you know, I had been an extrememly helpful friend to her. They took 4-5 mini vacations/vacations a year. For 6 years, I always took care of their cat, watered flowers, took in mail, took out garbage, when they were gone these 4-5 x's per yer. I had to stop as I have asthma and the cat started bothering me & giving me asthma attacks. HOWEVER, up until the present time, I still took in/put out the garbage and mail for them, and my hubby would shovel their sidewalks in the winter when they were gone. They had their babysitter take care of the cat. For the 6 years they lived here, they did not have a snowblower, and we would let them use ours all the time. ALSO, VERY IMPORTMANT TO NOTE: I drove her daughter to and from school for seven months after my friend had her last baby (3 yrs ago) to help my friend out. I even drove her DD to school when my DD was home sick from school. I did this so my friend would not have to drag her other 2 kids to school 2x a day. I am only telling you this to illustrate that I was a VERY HELPFUL FREIND for many years.

I am sorry but I have to politely disagree with you. I was a good, helpful friend to this woman, a tried to see her for over a week before she left, and at some point she should have given me a few minutes of time to see me and to see my DD so we could say bye to her kids and take one last photo together. I told her I would walk over to her house (80 feet away), all she needed to do was be home with her 3 kids so me and my DD could say bye. I asked for a week to find a time to get together for a few minutes, and my friend did not find this time for me (Again, she has 3 kids, I have one, so us getting together was depenedent on them all being home at the same time.). When you are good friends with someone for 8 yrs, even if you are busy, you should be able to make a few minutes of time for them to say goodbye. I was willing to walk to her house, I was willing to go whenever it was best for her (whatever time as best for her, I was willing to accomodate her.) -all she had to do was find a few minutes of time.

Thanks for taking the time to reply-

-JoJo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 6:47pm
I understand what you're saying...did she returned those favors??? You sounded like a very good friend so why do you think she didn't say goodbye?? Only you know the dynamics and can speak of the reasons for her behavior.

Maybe like the other post indicated you were a better friend to her than she was to hou.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 7:02pm
Hi Azure,

Thanks for your reply. Yes, as they say, friends are with you for a reason, a season, or for life. I thought of her a s a good, a lifetime type of freind, but perhaps she only thought of me in "seasonal" terms, I was just the neighbor friend that she simply knew for the 8 years (seasons) she lived here. Still this realization hurts. (Ouch!!!) When my DD was born 12 yrs ago, I thought it would be such a nice thing to have a Mom friend on my block. My cousin lived on a block where all the Moms knew each other and were good freinds, and I kept wishing my block had this. When my DD was 4, my friend moved only 2 houses from me and I was so happy to finally have a Mom friend this close. But, sometimes, friends come and friends go, and sometimes it is truly sad when they go. It's interesting to note, my DD is 12, and in middle school she is learning how to make friends, she is learning that sometimes friends come and go. I think I am still "learning" this too.

One thing that helped yesterday was that I had a friend stop by for a while who I hadn't seem for a long time. And, other friend called to make a lunch date with me. So, I have lots more friends, and this is what I maybe need to concentrate on, the friends I have.

Thanks for taking the time to reply-

JoJo

P.S. I was a very helpful freind to my friend. I replied in more detail about this to swimmercise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 7:22pm
My friend did return the favors on some level. After driving her DD to/from school for 7 months, my friend bought me a 50.00 certificate to a local hair salon/spa. (Which was nice.) And, we rarely travel, so she did watch my house once and take care of my pet birds for 3 days when we were gone. Since I do not travel much, and I never had any more kids, there really was not the opportunity for my friend to "rapay" the type of favors I did for her.

I have no earthly idea why she did not say goodbye to me. Sometimes, you don't know the reaons why people do things. The only thing I can think of, is my freiend is a very upbeat person. She is always smiling, never seems upset or sad about anything. (I'm sure she does have issues, but she is the type of person who never, ever, ever shows it.) Kind of a "put on a happy face" type of personality. So, maybe she knew she would feel "sad" to say goodbye, or to see her kids say goodbye to my DD. And, maybe this "sadness" is not something she wanted to deal with, or could deal with. (????)

Again, thanks for taking the time to reply.

-JoJo