A vent -extremely toxic cousin syndrome

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
A vent -extremely toxic cousin syndrome
20
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 5:15pm

I am so angry that I have to vent-I have a notoriously nasty cousin that I am so sick of dealing with that everyone is telling me to cut her out of my life because she is so toxic and rude. A few days ago it was 6 months since my Dad died and my cousin called me and convinced me that I shouldnt stay alone and to go out for a meal near her apartment (3 trains+1 bus +10 minute walk from my home). As soon as she saw me when she opened the door she looked me up and down with clear disgust and asked me 'shouldnt you be wearing longer more decent clothes instead of your usual inappropriate short clothes?. I was actually wearing my 'usual' knee length skirt, very dark and not see through tights, knee length boots, long sleeved cropped cardigan in order to save myself from her tongue but i wasnt so lucky!

We were running late for the restaurant booking so she decided to snack on tamarind and dates and she was like have some now. I said that; a)I would get full and wont be able to eat a meal if i eat anything (which she knows very well)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 5:41pm

It all well and good to have family in the same city you are living in, but I think this whole relationship between the two of you is for the benefit of your parents and that's it!! Clearly the two of you are in different places in

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 6:36pm
I would only be around her when absolutely necessary. Even then I would keep conversation light, positive and very brief(no need to be rude). If she starts in on you with something negative, I would not engage her. Your cousin can't have an argument by herself :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 12:08am

Thank you so much imotherothers for your reply and understanding. I totally agree with you and since my parents are both deceased and my Dad didnt like Amy* (because he saw right through her) its time to walk away. The only time she was around my friends was when i was in my senior year in University (I lived with my other uncle's wife and cousins the whole time minutes from campus) and I was going through my last demanding senior classes. My friend Emma* was struggling with the classes and the long commute (due to major road works affecting the bus route) so I offered that she can stay with me at my uncle's place for a week. But my uncle's wife liked Emma so much that she told me that she can move in for the last 4 weeks of the term during the week and leave during the 3 day weekends (it was a 5 bedroom apartment).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 8:34am

All I can say is WOW.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 10:46am

Thank a lot izzyandalexsmommy for your reply. You are right that I am very tolerant but its because I really hate conflict and confrontations so much that I would rather tolerate a lot

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 11:29am
No, you didn't "have to" post on her facebook wall.

Quit inviting the drama, quit looking at her facebook page, and don't accept her invitations. Let it go already.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 12:16pm

cat.alley, that post on her wall was the day after that disastrous meal and I found it beyond hypocriticial that she was preaching that people should follow what the article says when she doesnt at all. If that means that I am inviting drama when I was actually giving my opinion while I was very angry with her behaviour then I am guilty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 1:08pm

Posting a passive aggressive comment on her facebook page instead of directly confronting her abotu the problems you have with her behavior sounds pretty immature IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 1:45pm
Wow! I only read the first paragraph of your post and could figure out that this woman isn't worth your time. Relative shmelative...dump her. Unless, of course, you enjoy drama. As for the facebook stuff...it was merely a passive-aggressive way for you to confront her...by disagreeing with something she posted on FB you could "put her down" without being honest and simply realizing she has no value in your life and cutting off all ties. I promise...you'll feel so much better if you do. Why allow abuse in your life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 3:27pm

notsureatallanymore, I had to resort to being passive aggresive which I admit is wrong and immature but knowing her she wouldnt have let me confront her.She told me several stories about how when someone criticises/confronts her that she would shout, walk away and cut the person off or in the case of someone at work would then lash out at the nurses instead. I tried confronting her 14 years ago and she ended up shouting over me and not letting me say a word and then walking away in a huff so unfortunately she didnt change much. When I tried later after we made up to make sure that those issues were worked out between us amicably she got

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