Venting inside...verbally abusive fam.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Venting inside...verbally abusive fam.
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 1:56pm
I just have to get this all off my chest because I'm absolutely losing my mind. Nine months out of the year I'm out and on my own in campus housing while I finish my masters. The other three I'm trapped in my house - why? Because it's cheap, and because I have to take care of my mom.

None of my friends understand why I come home at all, and I try to explain to them it's because every penny I make is going towards saving for doing my doctoral work (somewhere far away from here possibly/hopefully?) They say I should just get an apartment during summer holiday but the simple fact is I can't afford to because my study grant pays for my housing during the school year.

But the time I'm home is hell. My uncle works for the government and is a chronic workaholic. He constantly takes the stress of the job out on us and is constantly verbally abusive. He yells at me whenever he gets the chance, ocassionally turns on his sister (my mom) but his favorite target is my grandma (his mother) who's almost 80. He reduces her to tears on a daily basis.

My grandma isn't a basket of peaches either. She's an absolute racist and is very prejudiced. If you aren't white, republican, and protestant you're trash. She has plenty of friends that she spends her time maliciously gossiping with and talking about the "da*n Mexicans" I don't bring one of my friends over anymore because she's half black and my grandmother's certain that she steals things. It's ridiculous.

My mother is the only member of the family I'm close to...I love her and adore her. She's got "an emotional disability" so I more or less raised her I guess you could say. She's working now and she tells me every day she wishes she could get an apartment and move out to get away from these two's constant bickering (they're yelling right now in fact!) However, she isn't making enough to get away either. When I'm away at school I wind up on the phone with her every night trying to calm her down because the daily arguments run her nerves into the ground.

So where am I? I'm 22 and I'm trapped in hell. I'll be very glad when I can move away and start on my doctoral but I don't want to leave Mom alone here. I could take her with me, but I need to be my own person as well and be on my own. (and frankly when I'm doing the academic thing I tend to be more of a hermit).

I really don't know what to do - nobody will go to counseling because they all think they're quacks. This is insane...I've never seen rational adults act like such children. Well except at staff meetings at work but that's a different story.

And now the family is driving away my potential love interest - he's met them once and he's frankly scared (although he says my mom is charming and I'd have to agree). But every time we talk I'm either crying or ready to pull my hair out because I've just been dragged into another family fracas. It also doesn't help that he's older than me which gives my grandma some nice ammunition calling him a dirty old coot, etc.

Just had to get that out, and if anybody has suggestions I'd appreciate it.