Wedding Invite

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wedding Invite
2
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 10:57am
We just got a save the date to a wedding out of town. It is my DH's brother's stepdaughter. I have no desire to go to this family function and neither do my kids. These relatives have never RSVP'd to our kid's special events in the past when we lived within driving distance for them to attend (2-3 hr drive)and basically don't call or stay in touch with us as a whole family (two grown children, one at home, one away at college). Within the past two years, there has been a small wedding reception at my IL's home for their daughter and also a 50th anniversary party for the IL's, which the only invite was an e-mail to my husband about two weeks before as an invite. My husband says I have too high standards and that he will go alone to this wedding in the summer (plane ticket, gift, etc). He also says I have snubbed them whenever I can, which I feel is the other way around. Since the two parties of their own, I have decided to only send invites, gifts to the FIL and MIL as they are my husband's parents. He keeps in contact with them by phone, his calls only, on birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day and Father's Day. I could use some advice in regards to RSVP's when these invites come, or should I just let DH handle it all, or should I let them know my true feelings? Thank you for any support.
Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: marthabe1
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 6:31pm
I would sit down and talk to my DH about this and really discuss how you feel. If you really do not want to go then I would say don't go. I would in no way force my kids to go though. I owuld say hey we got the invite it is up to you to decide to go or not. I would not pressure them either way and I wouldn't let my feelings influence them in any way either. If you talk to your DH and he really wants you to go I would go just to please him. If he doesn't care one way or another I would do what I felt was the right thing to do. Could go and have like a mini vacation? You said it was inthe summer maybe you could take some time off work you and DH go to the wedding and then stop off there or somewhere else and some time alone together. As for handling the invites I think I would sit down with DH and discuss the function before RSVPing and decide together what would be best so this way it is a joint decision and not a single one. I know I don't enjoy going to all my DH's family functions( they don't have many) but I go just for the sake of my DH. I wouldn't want to go alone so I return the courtesy. My DH knows I don't have the best relationship with my IL's so that makes it much more meaningful for us. I love him so therefore I will go and be by his side. No I don't go to every single one but I go. Hang in there and try not to let his eat at you. Talk it over and don;t get too stressed out. Let us know how things work out. Until then~~~~~Michelle
Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: marthabe1
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 2:44pm
I go with "suck it up and do what your husband wants" advice. It is his family and he should set the standards. But let him know that he will be expected to deal with family invites from now on. Then he can RSVP or deccline as he feels he wants to. If you can not make the wedding, don't deny his chance to be with his family. Your DH is not keeping score, he just wants to be with his family.

Let us know what you decide to do about this situation.

Melissa