Wedding invites, social etiquette?

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Registered: 03-28-2010
Wedding invites, social etiquette?
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Sun, 01-22-2012 - 12:20pm

I know this isn't the "In Law" section....but I post mostly here, so most everyone knows me here & I get good advice!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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Avatar for cowboys_grl
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Registered: 03-28-2010
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 12:27pm

I just think, she will overlook mentioning about the gift situation to "their family" & since she invited 60 people & we only invited 40, there will be 50 gifts, that have to stay, at their house....but, 'whatever'! If that's the case, she can figure out how to get the gifts to us or....if the gift is a blender & we already have 2 blenders, she can return it.....

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 12:41pm
IMHO....it's tacky. If I chose to marry in another state I would request no gifts or donations be made to a charity of my choice. You can't tell people what and how to gift you. Do you really need the gift cards?? Your MIL is right.

San
Avatar for cowboys_grl
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Registered: 03-28-2010
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 12:55pm

the only reason we chose to marry in CA, so most of our family & friends could be there..... we were just 'trying' to make it easy on everyone else.....so don't send out the notes & just let people bring gifts to CA, so they can stay there?

Okay.....I can do that.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for ukgirl82
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Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 2:00pm
There's no need for formal explanation or request, most people will be smart enough to realize there's no logical way to take a bunch of gifts back with you to Texas and therefore just give money instead. These days, typically if you don't register somewhere, guests don't buy gifts since they won't know what to get you.

This happened with my husband and I - we got married in the US but we live in the UK (I'm American, he's English). I have a bigger family than he does so we decided it made more sense to have the wedding in the US since it would mean less people would have to travel for the wedding. But since we were going back to the UK after the wedding, there was no way we could bring gifts back with us. We simply didn't register anywhere and didn't mention anything in the invites - I think a few people asked my mom about it so she just explained over the phone the situation so maybe it got around by word of mouth so if that's what your MIL would rather do, let her!

So I know from experience that there is really no need to broadcast "give us money/gift cards instead of gifts" - and yes, to be honest, it does come across as kind of tacky.
Avatar for cowboys_grl
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Registered: 03-28-2010
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 2:02pm

okay...awesome!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 4:16pm

sorry, agree with mil.

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Registered: 07-29-2002
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 4:43pm
Most of the weddings we have recently been invited to had websites set up that were listed on their invitations. You can link what registries you have set up,preferences,etc.

I kind of like that the websites are being done now. They are very helpful.
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Avatar for cowboys_grl
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Registered: 03-28-2010
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 6:31pm

>>Also, there is a very real possibility that you may not get that many gifts anyway as you are older and have everything and live far away.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for deenow17
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Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 7:22pm

<It's never acceptable to ask for gift. There are no loopholes to this rule. It's bad form to request a specific gift, and it's considered poor etiquette to mention a gift registry on an invitation or special mailing. It is also not appropriate to ask for a gift of money. To review: it's very poor wedding gift etiquette for the bride-to-be, groom-to-be, and their friends or family to hint for or recommend a gift.>

If wedding guests or friends and family ask where the couple is registered, then it is acceptable to disclose the registry information. Word of mouth is the only traditionally acceptable form of sharing registry information.>

We referred the information about when my DD was married this summer. They had been living together for 4 yrs in a very small house & didn't need or want much. We followed the above guidance & she put a couple of things on a few registries but also included gift cards on these registries as they were options too. Pick some some gifts like sheets/towels, you can likely put them in a carryon for the trip home. You will likely find that most people will ask parents if there is anything you prefer, then if it's the right thing to do the parents can mention gift cards. You are going to get things you may not want but it's a gift which someone took the time to think about & purchase for you so it should be received with the same joy as the money you get.

I believe the social etiquette is to bring a gift but the amount spent depends on what the guest chooses to spend based on their relationship with the couple & what they can afford.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
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Registered: 03-28-2010
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 9:02pm

okay, thanks Dee...makes sense!

well, thank goodness I started this thread....because I was soooo annoyed about everything & instead relaying my concerns on SIL & MIL....I decided to ask y'all & I feel kinda' stupid now, for being upset!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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