Wedding invites, social etiquette?

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Wedding invites, social etiquette?
23
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 12:20pm

I know this isn't the "In Law" section....but I post mostly here, so most everyone knows me here & I get good advice!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 9:26pm

Your idea makes a lot of sense from the logical side, but is in poor taste on the etiquette side. To state any preference in gifts makes it sound like a "gift grab" unless you're suggesting charities to contribute to. Sorry.

I think a lot of people will consider that you live far from the wedding city, and either send the gift to Texas or give something that fits in an envelope if they prefer to bring it to the reception, or they might deliver a gift box to a relative who lives in the city where the wedding is being held. If you do get a lot of stuff then you may have to figure out how to ship it to Texas, or like somebody else suggested, donate it to charity in CA if you don't want to keep it. You can tell your parents/IL's that you prefer gift cards or money and they can pass that info along to anybody who asks them, if they are comfortable doing so.

Its the custom to give a gift if you attend the reception everyplace that I've lived, regardless of the age of the couple or how many times either party has been married.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Mon, 01-23-2012 - 5:42am
"What IS the social etiquette for gift giving?! If you are invited to a wedding, you don't have to bring a gift if you don't want to?"

It is expected to give a gift or money to the wedding couple but still, talking about how you expect it is seen as inappropriate. And people will give gifts, it will just be in the form of money if they don't know what to get you specifically.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Mon, 01-23-2012 - 7:21am

Hi, I haven't read all of the responses so if I'm repeating, forgive me.

I say, don't give that issue another thought. Just enjoy the anticipation and other preparations for the wedding. (congratulations!) I have never given a gift other than money for a wedding, ever. I really can't see more than a handful of people giving a big gift that you have to carry home. Return what you don't want (but note it for your thank-yous) and who knows? You may actually get something you love, and I"m guessing it won't break the bank for you to just take it all the the UPS store and have it sent back to Texas.

Good luck~

 

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Mon, 01-23-2012 - 1:27pm

The problem is, there is no rules or etiquette guides on how to handle 'the gift problem' if the couple is getting married, out of state?

My sister told me, it's only natural to remind people we live out of state, so bringing a gift to the wedding isn't a good idea.....since I was born & raised in CA (so was DF), people will not even think that we live out of state & not to bring gifts to the wedding!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 01-23-2012 - 5:32pm
I think you are just stuck with the age old dilemma that most brides have faced in one way or another. A gift is just that a gift & we don't have any say in what it will be unless asked. When I was married in the dark ages, we had nothing & needed the basis. I was the first grandchild & niece married in our large family. What did we get: silver tea service - I needed a kettle, crystal wine glasses - I needed glasses for water/milk/etc, expensive china dishes for 10 people - I had nothing for everyday, a completed set of sterling silverware for 8 - I needed everyday flatware. You get the picture, all gifts from family who would be dropping by & so I couldn't return a thing. I was lucky as one uncle didn't like to shop so gave us money & we hit the 2nd hand store for the basics.

Oops, I forgot my favourite - I needed a toaster & even told my aunt that. She brought be a bun warmer as she thought it was an amazing invention. It wasn't quite the same. lol

Relax, enjoy your wedding & laugh about your gifts. Take back what you don't need & pay the extra to take another suitcase back on the plane if you are flying.

Dee
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 2:20pm

Did the invitations have a return address of CA or TX? Did you enclose RSVP cards with envelopes? IF they said TX then hopefully the guests will be observant enough to see that and guess that you live at the return address.

And presumably people that know you & df or the parents well enough to be invited to your wedding already know where you are living, that your parents/ future ILs would have mentioned it to relatives or family friends that you're not in regular communication with.

If you do get gifts of bulky things that you want to keep, ground shipping through UPS or FedEx isn't terribly expensive and both carriers can pack it for you, for a fee, if you don't have time to do it yourself. But I'll bet that most of the guests are going to figure out to not bring boxed gifts to the wedding.

When is the wedding? You'll have to let us know what happens about the gifts.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 3:25pm

no....it's all RSVP'd to CA.....so no one is going to think about it or know!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 5:48pm
I think you are heading into a difficult situation if you send out a "reminder email". Are there any Texas only stores that you can register at & have this information available?

Any why don't you have any say in your own wedding - it's your day.
Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 6:01pm

okay...this is how the whole wedding came about....DF & I just were planning to fly to Vegas & get married and 'whoever' wanted to show up, show up......MIL didn't like that idea or want to travel to Vegas & offered to just have the wedding in their backyard, "to make it easier for everyone to attend."

We agreed & since then it has turned into this monster (more than 100 people)....over the months, SIL & MIL have been planning it, because it's what they want & like to do (a bit controlling :smileywink:)

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 6:49pm
I'd go to Vegas and elope.

San