What can you make up of this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
What can you make up of this?
19
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 1:03pm
I have a 27 yrd old cousin who is living with his gf of 20 yrs old. They both have a 1 yrd old baby. The guy does work, but the mother does not work or study. The mother is a dropped out of high school because when she was younger she was into drug problems and a runaway from the house. Now that she is better, she does not work or study, in summary she does not have any kind of educational background. Her parents got divorced when she was like 17 yrd old but she always was a problematic girl. The girl in question went on living with her mother, although her mother was not a good example for her either. Once their parents got divorced, her dad began to pay her daughter approximately $200 monthly for her expenses, it was sort of like a pension or allowance to her daughter.

My cousin started dating this girl when she was like 16 yrs old and tried to help her to stay away from the drugs. The thing is the parents got divorced and I don’t know why my cousin did not get along very well with his gf’ dad, because of that the dad does not know his grand son because my cousin does not let him see him. The dad once divorced went on and lived his own life away from the city (not in another country) but he still deposited money for her daughter. The girl’s dad warned her some years ago that once she began a family and have a man in her life, he will stopped paying her the monthly allowance, because she will have already somebody to support her. The issue is that thing already happened, the girl has been living with my cousin like 1 yr and half ago and they have a son together. This girl as I said, she does not work or study but now she has my cousin who supports her now. At this moment, the girl’s dad does not know her daughter is living with my cousin and he is now the one who has to support her and the baby.

The girl’s dad knew they were dating some years ago but he never knew if they end up together or not. The girl does not want to tell her dad she is already living with someone, because she does not want her dad to quit giving her monthly allowance and my cousin agrees with her. Both of them don’t want the dad to know they are living together and my cousin has suggested his family that if by any chance the girl’s dad gets in touch with us and ask for them, that we don’t tell him they are already living together, that we lie to him and tell him that we haven’t heard of them for a while, just because they still want keep receiving the allowance that belongs to my cousin’s gf because is more income for their house and since the only one who works in my cousin, that extra money is perfect for them.

Remember that the girl’s dad told her a time ago, that he will stop giving her allowance once she settles and have someone to support her so as long as the dad continues to think the girl is not living with anyone, the money will continue to come in, that is why my cousin and his gf don’t speak to the man and don’t have any kind of contact with him.

I think that sooner or later the dad will eventually find out and my cousin won’t get off the hook that easily.


But I just found out something that my cousin did, I believe it is very unethical and inappropriate. My mom told me that her nephew (my cousin) put a restraining order to the girl’s dad, just in case the dad stopped depositing money to his daughter at any moment. I mean if the dad finds out that his daughter already have someone to support her and he stopped giving her money, the police will catch him and force him to continue to deposit the money, because my cousin was the one who put that order against him. Poor guy!!!

Can you believe it? I mean, my cousin lives with the girl and his obligation now is to support her gf and his son now, his father in law is not forced to keep supporting his daughter, if she has someone already in her life. But my cousin wants his father in law to continue to deposit his gf allowance. My opinion is that, hello??? My cousin has to support his own family now; they decided to live together some time ago, so now he is the one who has to support his family. The father in law has no obligation to keep supporting his daughter if she already has a man who supports her. My cousin is moron. Be a man and face the consequences of living together with his gf and his son. Why other people have to pay for his mistakes?? The son he had with his gf, was not planned, at first he even doubted if the baby was his.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 5:46pm
I don't see how getting a restraining order would make a man pay his daughter money every month. And I think if the police found out that a restraining order was taken out falsely, that they could charge the girl and her bf. Maybe the girl will get a job when the baby gets older, it's hard to predict. I personally hate liars. Low morals and values is the basic root of the problem here. Society is full of dishonest, scheming, lazy people.
Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 8:57pm
So far, there's a restraining order on her father, who is giving money to his daughter. There's also money coming in from her baby's father, and your cousin and gf doesn't want him to know, because if he found out the money will stop coming. So, why do you say, then, that with all the MONEY COMING IN, that you say your cousin is supporting HER? I think your cousin and his gf are TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ALL THE MONEY COMING IN, and they're both committing a fradulent (dishonest) activity. So, HOW MUCH WILL YOU collect, for not reporting them? How much of the money, will your cousin share with you for keeping your mouth shut? Hooray, for the gf, for having a child. I'm sorry to hear, that with all the dishonest people, that baby is growing up without a good rule model.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 3:02pm
The order was put by my cousin to his father in law. My cousin's gf does not work, she takes care of the house and the baby (1 yrd old). The only money that goes in that house comes from my cousin, who is the only who works in that house. In any moment I said that my cousin will give me or my family money in order not to tell his father in law, his whereabouts or if we have heard of him. I did not say that. He just told the family, just in case his father in law ask us something, that please dont tell him anything. I never say anything about my cousing giving us money for that.

I say that what my cousin is doing is very wroong and out of the line (the restraining order issue) I think the father in law is doing the right thing, to quit giving her daughter money if she has already someone who supports her and her baby, but my cousin does not accept that and wants his father in law to keep giving her daughter her monthly allowance, that is why he put an order on him, so he keep giving the daughter her monthly allowance. This is where I said, the more money to my cousin's house the better for them, according to my cousin

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 9:03am


I know a lot of ppl might disagree with me about this but really if the 20 yr old girl's dad isn't involved enough in her life to know that she and her baby live with her 27 yr old boyfriend and he supports them (does her dad not even know WHO is supporting her or how she lives day to day?) then I don't feel too much sympathy for him to keep giving her $200 a month. I mean, at 20 she is grown and he is not obligated to give her anything, but if he does so anyway that's his choice. Personally I think if he was more involved in her life and the baby's life (which would be HER choice not her bf's choice, in my opinion) then he would know what was going on. Anyway it's not like $200 is going to support anyone! So I don't see a big problem there, other than the girl is being somewhat dishonest and of course that is not right...but hey, what can u do? She is going to be the one living a lie all this time and having it on her conscience (assuming she cares) to me $200 a month would not be close to enough $ to have me lying like that. But some people's price is lower I guess!? To me that's pretty sad if $200 is important enough to lie and keep up a charade and make yourself look like a fool for this whole time. Especially as an adult! I mean heck, what about when the 1 yr old is older and is it gonna see its grandpa, and if it does, will it be confused!? I agree with the other poster who said that a restraining order will NOT be of any use to force the girl's dad to keep paying that money. It's just not true, period. At least in Missouri where I live, when a restraining order is put against someone they find out about it, they are served with the papers. All it does (at least here) is ensure that person can't come near you or contact you. It doesn't have anything to do with money that would be a whole separate case. Also the restraining orders have a limit on them, like 30, 60, or 90 days and after that time u have to file another report and get a whole new one, and so on. I know it might be different other places but I've never heard of it having anything to do with money, at all. There is absolutely no reason in the world, from what u have told us, that this 20 yr old girl's dad would be obligated to give money to her, her bf, or her child. She is over 18 and her dad's obligation to provide for her financially is over. I really think your cousin might be full of bs on that part of the deal, sorry to say. Well I have rambled but I just am trying to understand the situation and why people would act that way. I hope it works out. Rhiannon
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:23pm
Another confusing point, you say this is your cousin's girlfriend not his wife. But then, how could her dad be his father in law, if they are not married? That makes no sense. Which is it???
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 8:43pm
The cousin's girlfriend's father is NOT legally obligated to give her money at all.

There is no way the police can "make" him continue sending her $200 a month.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 12:30am
Well, my cousin is not married with his gf, they live together and have a child. I said father in law, because indirectly he is since m y cousin is this girl boyfriend so in a way the dad is my cousin's father in law, not legally of course because they are not married yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 10:37am
No, it's nothing the same. I don't mean to be rude but that is ridiculous calling someone a father in law to your cousin when he is not married to their daughter. That's like me saying my boyfriend's little sister is my sister-in-law, when we are just dating.

So do you still believe that the police can somehow "make" this fake father in law pay his daughter $200 a month? ROFL

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 9:49pm
It's my understanding that a *restraining order* is designed to keep someone away from you and/or your property, and has nothing at all to do with forcing someone to pay you money. That would be an order of child support, or alimony, or a financial judgment of some sort.

Are you sure you don't have the facts confused? It's possible that your cousin really does have a restraining order against the father-in-law, but that would be to prevent him from coming into their home (presumably to keep FIL from finding out the truth about his sneaky daughter). Any order that forces him to pay her $200 a month is a completely separate issue.

And I wonder how your cousin even GOT the restraining order in the first place? Normally, a person has to have violated another person's rights, safety, or emotional well-being to have an R.O. placed against him or her. So what did the FIL do that convinced a judge to place an R.O against him? Or did your cousin lie about that, too?

IMHO, I'd snitch on them. Tell the FIL exactly what's been going on. This girl is of age and he should NOT be contributing toward her support, whether or not she has a boyfriend. Allowing this dysfunctional situation to continue is demoralizing to you and the entire family. This girl and her boyfriend should be made accountable for their lies.

Msfit

                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 10:52pm
I agree w/ the end of your post msfit777, where u said that she should probably snitch on the girl and her bf, that is true. I think if I knew ppl who were doing that I would write an anonymous letter or note to the girl's father giving him a heads up. However in my 1st post about this I think I just couldn't get past the whole thing that the dad would be giving his daughter $200 a month to help support her without even being in her life and her baby's life enough to KNOW where she lived, how she lived, and with who. I mean, I just can't imagine that situation, I can imagine the dad being really involved with his daughter & grandkid and wanting to help, or I can see them being totally cut off from each other but it just sounds so crazy that he gives her money but has no clue she has been living with this guy etc.

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