What to do... what to do.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011
What to do... what to do.....
45
Sun, 03-06-2011 - 8:09pm

First, I'll give you some background. I'm a 26 year old guy. I have a brother who's 28 and we were like best friends. We even look so much alike, people think we're twins and we have to correct them. Two years ago, I moved across the country for a job. He stayed in my home town.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 12:31pm

(((HUGS))). Sorry that you're "losing" such a good friend and family member and for no good reason. We had a similar problem years ago with my dad. My stepmother (at the time) created some distance between Dear Dad and the entire family. The good news is, my dad realized that besides her, there was no one left in his life. He was a man who was very popular with a large family. Now, he is remarried to a woman who's great. We have a large extended family now. :smileyhappy:

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Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 2:17pm

There are bachelor parties and then there are bachelor parties. I don't know for how long this "tradition" has been in place but long enough that it seems the majority of grooms today do it. They can be tame get togethers at a bar or ragers complete with hookers, which is this one supposed to be?

If this couple had actual communication and mutual respect they could discuss parameters for the party. Like, okay you guys can go to a strip club and get sh*tfaced and watch girls on stage but please no lap dances for the groom. And if the bride wasn't so controlling about everything the buddies would probably be glad to respect her wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 2:43pm
The OP says the groom wants the party. If he doesn't show up because of her, and not a major freeway accident in which he's life-flighted out... I would just drop contact. I can't respect people like that, and their presence grates on me.

JMHO.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 3:19pm

I would ask your bro is there to be NO bachelor party or one w/in certain perameters.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 9:32pm

I just had a long talk with my brother. He does want a party. I'm sorry to say, that the type of bachelor parties we have usually entail a strip club and a lap dance for the groom. Okay, I'm really glad I'm safe in front of my computer, so I don't get hit by flame throwers, ha ha! But anyway, strip clubs are not part of our everyday life. I think the only times I been in a strip club was for a bachelor party. His gf is having a bachelorette party. The girls in her wedding are throwing it and no one knows what the plans are. Double standard. I say if she can have one, he can have one. I asked him what she says about having her own party and he said "nothing". She doesn't say anything when he brings it up that she's having a party. Then he told her "so I'm supposed to trust you and you don't have to trust me?" She said "that's different". He asked her how is it different and she didn't say anything. He told me he followed her around the apartment saying, "how's it different?"

I told him he is really in for some serious trouble. He told me once they're married, he'll get her to get with the program. I told him he won't be able to do that. He was like, "how do you know? you never been married or even close to getting married". That wasn't cool on his part, but I let it go.

The wedding is in June. We're not having the party the night before the wedding. We're having it Thursday night to avoid Saturday morning hangovers. Friday night is the rehearsal dinner and whatnot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 9:43pm

He banned you from your daughter's life? Now that's a control - freak. I'm glad for you that you're close again. You may have mentioned it, but I'm lazy... how long was she married to that guy for? Glad she's got a good guy now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 9:54pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 11:31pm

Then it's settled. He wants the party and it seems that the type of party you will have is decided. Hopefully, he won't chicken out at the last minute and he'll come to the party. I hope you're relationship does get back to how it was before she came along. I know some things will have to changed (he's a married man now), but there's no reason you two can't carry on as brothers / friends and do stuff together.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2011
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 5:18pm

Thanks. I hope we get back to how we were too. Some of us think that when he comes to the bachelor party -- and we think he'll come -- that he'll see what life was like before she came along. He'll want some of that back. I'm not saying I want to party with him every weekend -- I can't now because of distance -- I just want to be able to visit and spend some time with him. Last Christmas I spent absolutely NO time with him. We said two words to each other. When we got near each other and started to talk, she swooped down like a hawk and gave him a chore to do or pulled him away (like in another room). I wanted to go to the airport with him, but the people he was picking up had to squeeze in with all their luggage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 5:32pm

Let me see if I have this right.