what does family mean when people act...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
what does family mean when people act...
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 4:50pm
I asked my family if it would be ok to invite my father-in-law over for Easter dinner. My mother-in-law passed away 2 years ago, so he would otherwise be home alone. Most normal people would say yes without ANY hesitation. My mother said I don't know, in one of her voices, like I asked her the most vial question, then followed with let me ask your father. So I said forget it. My father landed up saying yes, but not an easy yes, as I figured he would, but I said nevermind.

This is not the first time this has happened. My family who claims to be very religious, act very non-christian, and they think their actions are right. I really don't have the time or energy to go there right now.

I made things worse by saying nevermind, but this is why. The last holiday they asked a distant relatives brother-in-law who the family has not been in touch with for years to come over, and he had an invitation elsewhere, but did not want to go. They invited him again for Easter, which he has an invite elsewhere but won't go. I asked why it's ok for him to be invited, they said so he won't be alone. Money is not an issue, and it's not like they don't like my father-in-law, this is their weird way of thinking and reasoning. They said they are not obligated to ask him, that it's up to my husbands or father-in-laws family to ask him over for dinner. Yet, the distant relative is invited.

I will now have to make arrangements to make dinner, which is not an issue for me, BUT I can't take my family to my parents AND be at my own home at the same time, and if we don't go to my family, there will be comments made about that.

I think I have just about had it, the holidays are always like this. You would think it would kill them to act kind. I am so angry and upset, I don't want to go to my family at all, but then my son won't be able to see them or my visiting family, and he's too little to understand, yet, I feel I don't want him exposed to this, because look what it does to me. I sit and think how can these people behave like this? I have learned to accept so much and let it go, because I think they don't know better, or did they best they could as parents with what they had. This puts me in a very difficult place.

My father ended with, well I'm not going to let your attitude ruin my holiday, as if I was out of line to be upset.

Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 10:02pm
One of my friends was talking about this same type of issue today at lunch. She says her DH's family seem to draw a line when things like this come up. She wanted her mom and neice to come up here for Easter and go to her BIL house for dinner. Well her DH said "You can't just invite your family without asking" She was floored. We talked about this and said how many families do this with their inlaws and can't understand why. Yes they aren't blood family, but still family none the less. I know alot ( including mine) families who are like this. They are cordial when they have to be and when they can call the shots the choose not to be involved with them. Heck my in laws and parents don't even acknowledge each other when they pass in my old hometown. Pretty sad huh?

Now on to your family. I would definetly have my FIL over for Easter dinner as for my family I would tell them thank you but no thanks we will not be able to attend dinner. You could either go over the day before Easter, after you have your dinner and your FIL leaves. I would not go sit at their "Christian" table while my FIL was all alone and didn't have to be. Try not to let them worry you on this holiday. Spend time with your little family and enjoy it. They will not worry over your "attitude" ruining their dinner so do not let theirs. Turn the other cheek and go on and have your FIL over. I wouldn't even mention going over there to your FIL just tellhim you wanted to have it at your home this year, so he won't take offense and feel he is keeping you from your family. Just stick to what you believe and all will work out:)

Take care and let us know what goes on this weekend and how things turn out. Please feel free to post whenever you can. Hope to see you posting soon with an update. Hang in there~~~~~Michelle