What makes him tick?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
What makes him tick?
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 1:16pm
I am still trying to make sense out of a crazy situation. My down and out brother called me a few months ago. He needed a place to stay. Had a medical injury,had no work. Since he has been in my house with myself and my family. We have had several issues. He picks on my kids,animals. Blows up all the time, at little things like if we are stressed about any situation and show normal emontions of stress he blows up. Just talking to him about teasing the children caused a major blow out! He has since made other arrangements. I guess he feels that his family owes him! and he can treat us how ever he wants. Anyone ever went through this? I am still in disbelief but relieved he is gone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 8:30am
We've had several different family members living with us at different times, and have been through similar problems. Each time, there is an adjustment period when the new live-in and we adjust to each other's habits, schedules, behaviors, etc. Sometimes it worked itself out, and sometimes it didn't. What helped most was our family meetings once a week, when we talked over the problems, what bothered us and what we liked, and what to do about them.

One thought as I read your post is that your brother is likely under tremendous stress himself and his blow-ups and teasings were just a symptom of that. He's out of work, forced to mooch off his family instead of being independent, and dealing with a medical problem to boot. That's a lot to deal with when one is used to being on his own.

One thing we realized with all the different live-ins is that it is unrealistic to expect the new roomie to do all the adjustment him/herself and we had to make sacrifices ourselves to make the situation work for all involved. We also learned to set limits (clearly spoken during family meetings) and expectations for household chores, so that our own lives weren't completely turned upside-down to accommodate the roomie.

It also helped to make sure the roomie had his/her own space where no other family member ventured for any reason. We have a couple of guest rooms, so that works out nicely. Only once did my DH have to invade that space for his brother, because the room was such a mess and stank to high heaven - he demanded his brother to clean it up or pack it out.

Each time a roomie moved out, we were relieved to have our own lives back again. But of course, someone else in the family had a crisis and there we were to help them out again. New roomie, different set of issues to deal with. And so it goes...

Currently, DH and I have the house entirely to ourselves. I like the privacy and peace, but I also miss the fun and chaos of having other children around and a different adult to talk to.

Hope it works out for you.