What's my siblings problem ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2007
What's my siblings problem ?
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 3:20am
Ok since my mom passed she left the house to me because I lived with her the last few years to help out. I also moved in several years ago to help her out when my dad got sick. I also have a younger brother who has downs syndrome (low functioning) who now lives with me an my husband. There were issues about house when my mom died. Siblings felt I had no stake in the house and practically evicted me. But since I was executor of the estate I offered to let my siblings buy house for market value and proceeds divided between the rest of us. No one took me up on it. So I attempted to sell house. Two of my brothers went to lawyers and stopped that. But they soon found out I had every legal right to do so if I see fit. Long story short is I feel now due to the house stuff and my letters to all them requesting cash donations for expenses on upkeep of house,to which I have had none, my sibling are no longer talking to me. I have attempted contact with all them an two of my sisters were talking to me occasionally but haven't heard anything since before thanksgiving last year. None of my brothers call or write or anything. I sent them all Christmas cards and received only one in return. I am still paying for up keep of my moms house. I pay for insuranc, taxes, someone to cut grass. None of them have offered to help an that bothers me. I mean it doesn't surprise me they never helped out with my parents either. I had to pay out of my pocket for a home health aide to watch my mom an brother while I worked. I asked for help with that at the time an got none. I asked my brothers to come an help out with he yard an simple repairs an got none. I don't know maybe I'm looking at this wrong but I feel they are all being asses. I mean what bothers me the most is not so much me but that they don't even come or try to see our brother. We are a big family an always got together for holidays now the last two years nothing and my brother always ask where his family is. I don't know what to tell him. I have even broke down an called my sisters an brothers an asked them to take my brother for a while or just the weekend to visit and frankly give me a break an I always get "I'm busy". Question is to I continue to extend my hand or just wait for them to come to their senses. I mean I bought them Christmas presents an have called trying to set up a time to get together. My last attempt was February this year. I called, left voicemails and texts an no response. My hubby says to stop an let them make the next move if they want to but for me just to move on. He also says I should go ahead an sell the house. But I'm not sure about that either cuz it's my brothers only home an he loves it there and wants to go back an I do take him "home" every couple months. I'm just confused. Any advise?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 7:39am

Get a lawyer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 8:26am
Is the house in your name?? If it is why would you ask them for financial help for upkeep??
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2011
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 8:54am
First of all, I feel for you in this position as I have some of the same things going on (mom is still alive though and its happening). Its a very hard thing to have to come to terms with when siblings don't agree and fight you on everything.
If the house was left to you and you intend on keeping it, living in it or selling it and keeping the profit from it, then I'd say your siblings don't really have to help out with expenses and upkeep. If you intended on selling it and splitting the sale price with all your siblings then yes, I think I'd ask for help too. And if that is the case, that you intend to share it, then I would be keeping good records of every penny spent on the house and every repair/yardwork/miscellaneous maintenance/bill that you pay out of your pocket so when the house sells, that becomes part of the sale contract.
You need a lawyer and I know how hard that is to do when you think it's your siblings, why would you need protection from them, but reality is, you DO.
Also, you have to stop and look at the whole picture, they are not caring about you, hard to swallow, yes, but I'd limit my contact, I wouldn't go out of my way, no cards, gifts, very hard to accept that life is that way now after being a close family, I know, happening here, but you must try to think without emotion and see the picture in front of you. I have that same problem, I hate that there is estrangement and tension among us, but the way I see it, you treat me bad, don't expect me to fall all over you anymore.
Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2012
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 10:39am
I was wondering the same thing.

OP, you should sell the house on your own and keep all the money. They don't sound like nice people at all. To h*ll with them.

You deserve the money anyway for taking care of your brother. That's probably why your mother left the house to you. Do what's best for you and yours, and leave the rest of them in the dust. They can't be bothered to let him visit them for a weekend, they aren't worth your worry or your tears. Let them go.