Who do you think is right?
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|Mon, 08-18-2003 - 10:05pm|
A couple of years ago he and his girlfriend bought a house. They spent a year painting the inside - they didnt want to waste their summer inside painting the house etc. etc. Anyway, last spring he did actually move into the house. He took what he wanted from here and he left the rest. When he went away for the weekend my husband and I loaded his futon and dresser and computer and an entertainment unit into my husband's van and we put it in the spare bedroom in his house. He wasn't terribly pleased! He said he didn't want a load of junk there until he had the house straight. Mind you, the house has a full basement and he could easily store his belongings there rather than in my house.
After he left, I moved a futon into the room and my granddaughter, who is 10, has the room to play in and if she has friends to sleep over, they sleep on the futon. She also has a load of toys in there too. My son had a bookcase which he left in the bedroom when he moved. Every shelf was loaded with "stuff". Stubs from every movie they had ever seen, bits of paper, cassette tapes etc. etc. etc. Things kept falling off the shelves - especially the bits of paper - and my dogs would chew them up so I finally got some brown wrapping paper and taped it across the front of the bookcase so the stuff wouldn't fall off. The closet is totally full of his stuff. Its jammed in there - boxes and boxes of something - I have no idea what. He also has old jackets, including one reefer jacket that I bought him when he was about 12. They are coated with dust. In fact the whole room had cobwebs all over things and great rolling balls of dust in the corners. Which I cleaned up after my husband and I took the big stuff to his house. That was in the spring of 2002.
I have asked him to clean the room out and he just makes a big fuss and tells me to leave his stuff alone. If I happen to mention that its "my" room not his, he gets ridiculous and says stuff like "mine, mine, mine - everything is yours. I have never met anybody as selfish as you." Crap like that.
My granddaughter asked me to paint the room so I got several large cardboard boxes and I took everything - and I mean EVERYTHING off the shelves of the book case and packed them into the boxes. I packed all the movie theatre stubs - everything. And I stacked the boxes behind the door. I did not throw one single thing away. It was all there only in boxes rather than on shelves.
He came round today to get something out of "his" room and when he left he took the boxes with him, slammed the door and wouldn't answer me when I spoke to him. I take it he was sulking because I had the audacity to pack his stuff away after he has been moved out for 18 months!
When I told my younger son what had happened, his comment was that he thought it was just common courtesy not to touch someone else's belongings. I said - so I am supposed to store Julian's junk in precisely the same position that he left it - maybe for ever - or perhaps 5 years or 10 years until he condescends to take it away??? He said he didn't want to discuss it any more.
Who is right - am I crazy. What do young people think? I am not mad at my son - I don;t want him to take his stuff because I am annoyed with him - I just don't want it here and I think I should be entitled to use every room in my house, without getting permissions from him. I just think that when you move out into your own place, you surely don't expect your parents to keep your old room like some kind of a shrine for ever or until YOU decided that you feel like cleaning it out??
Personally, I think he is behaving like a 12 year old. Its not his room and its not his house. He is 31 years old and he has a house of his own!