Who's being inconsiderate? Me or my mother?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2002
Who's being inconsiderate? Me or my mother?
15
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 1:39pm

My mother wants me to visit around Easter without DH.Meanwhile we both work full-time jobs and its one of the rare weekends we may both have off together

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2002
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 1:42pm
BTW I forgot to add that I am also an only child
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 3:24pm

I don’t think you being an only child, your mother never having worked, the size of your house, or your busy schedules have anything to do with the issue:

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 4:52pm
1st I think your problem is your dog. Not everyone likes dogs in their home no matter how well behaved the animal is & it sounds like your dog might have had some problems. Have you considered a kennel? I think your dog may also be the reason your Mom doesn't want to come to your place especially if it's a small house. You didn't say how big your dogs are but even 2 small dogs can be a bit much in a small house. fyi, I love dogs & cats. I have a dog of my own who is like my child since my kids have grown & moved into their own homes.

2nd part of your problem is that you are an only child. Me too. Is it possible that your Mom puts a lot of pressure on you to be there for her? The working not working isn't an issue as far as I'm concerned as my Mom worked full time & still has these strange expectations. My Mom expects me to give up vacation days to drive her places & doesn't understand that when we have time off we just want to chill or work on our house/laundry, gardens, etc.. It's been my experience that mothers of only daughters expect a lot of attention from these daughters. You must want to suggest a compromise that would work for you. My Mom has this thing with me calling her. I rarely talk on the phone as I don't have time. So now I have told her that it's up to her to call me. She hates this, thinks I should do the calling but then she suffers as I rarely call her so she breaks down & calls me. Since you are in the restaurant/catering business, you should have time off that might not be on the weekends. Maybe you can arrange to see her then.

Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 11:15pm

It is not really a matter of who's being inconsiderate but a difference of opinion. Is there some reason why you can't board the dog and you and your husband visit her together?

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 9:06am
I totally agree with azure. A badly behaved dog can ruin the time your mother wants to spend enjoying with you and even if your dog is "better behaved", it's understandable why your mother wouldn't want to be around him.

As much as I love animals, your dog is not your child and there's no sense getting bent out of shape because your mother doesn't want to be around your dog. Do you have any friends who would dog sit for you while you spend time with your mom? Or maybe a kennel if it's going to be overnight/weekend visits?

I remember once when my mom asked my cousin not to bring her unmanageable dog over to our house and my cousin got very offended. My mom told her "Grow up, it's just a dog. By the time I was your age, I had two kids." This same cousin now has 3 kids and guess what? She gave the dog away because he was so difficult to control and she had 3 kids to manage too. Most likely, she looks back at that moment with my mom and thinks how insignificant her priorities were.

I am a big pet lover, but kids and pets are not the same thing and if I'm invited to someone's home as a guest, I would never expect it to be okay to bring my pet into their home. Nor would I expect guests to come into my home if they are not comfortable around my pet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 9:20am
It sounds like both of you are being stubborn...a power struggle if you will. If you don't want to go to her home kindly decline. All of this drama is unnecessary drama.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 11:10pm

I agree, San.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 8:03am

I can totally relate to the dog issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2002
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 11:10am

Thanks for the responses.My husband is actually the more difficult one about leaving the dog then me

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 1:15pm

I'm curious...why did you begin the conversation asking whether it was you or your mother

Pages