WHY can't I let this friendship go???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2012
WHY can't I let this friendship go???
Fri, 05-31-2013 - 10:56am

I met my best friend when we were 15 years old, and we were inseparable. But in my junior year of high school, I moved away and we list touch. Years later, we re-connected and became best friends again. We are now both 41 and she actually lives just down the street from me. 

We did a lot ore together after she and her family moved close. Trips, bonfire's, etc. Our two daughters are even very close friends, as they are the same age. 

We also have neighbors, directly next to us, that we have always been pals with. Again, lots in common and kids the same age. I thought I should introduce my best Friend "H" to our neighbor "M", knowing they would probably all get along. Well, they have. So much so that I now feel left out. There have been so many things over the last two years telling me this best friendship with H is done, but for some reason, I refuse to just let it go. Here are several things...

1. H is addicted to Ambien and also smokes pot. Ok, to each their own. She is a grown woman and can do what she wants. BUT, she has driven my daughter home while high on Ambien. She has gone to band concerts for our children, high. She sat thru her own daughter's 13th birthday, high as a kite from Ambien. She takes Ambien at 1:00 in the afternoon, to help her "sleep" later. WTF???? She drove home from a Girl scout function with three 9 year old girls in the car, HIGH on AMBIEN. Her husband wont stop her and even provides her with illegal Vicodin that he gets from a friend. He says if he tries to sop her he won't get sex. REALLY????

2. My friend H and my neighbor M now do many, many things together and don't ask me. I KNOW this sounds so junior high, but I end up finding out about these events second-hand and it just hurts. Sometimes they will ask me, but it is always totally last minute, so I don't even have time to change my plans even if I wanted to.

3. We all got in a BIG fight about just this, a few months back. I went to my friend H's house to talk to her. To just ask her if I had done something wrong, or why she was pulling away? She told me that I had NEVER been the type of friend she wanted me to be, and that M is. She told me she just wanted to be happy and have fun and not worry about random sh**. Well, I never considered our friendship to be random sh*& but I guess she does.

4. It hurt me that she said those things, and I told her so. I wrote her a long letter, telling her I was SORRY for not being the friend she needed me to be. But that she should have TOLD me instead of just replacing me. She writes back and says I am being immature, and that she just doesn't agree with some things I do. That it made her mad when I planned my daughter's 13th b-day party on HER birthday (41st b-day. Really) She said it made her mad that I put my kids first all the time.

5. My other friend, M, sided with her on all of this, of course. She wrote me too, and accused me of just being jealous that they were friends. 

6. Here is maybe the worst, in my book. H used my computer the other day for something, and checked her e-mail. She never logged off. So I looked. Wrong I know, but who wouldn't honestly look if it was right there in your face?? All of the letters I had EVER written my BEST friend H, she forwarded to M for her to read. The letter that M wrote me during my fight with H? M sent that to H to read as well. My reply? Forwarded. EVERY single thing I had ever told my best friend in CONFIDENCE since the day her and M got close, she told M. Even the things I made her swear not to tell anyone.

The worst part? When we were having this fight and I wrote my letter to H, trying to explain how I felt? Well, she did write me back. And she sent a copy to her new best friend M with a note at the top that read..."this should REALLY piss her off"


So why am I still a part of this? It's complicated. We all live next to each other. Our children are all close Friends. Our husbands are all close friends. I cant move. It is just a no-win.

And if I try to talk to her about any of this, I get accused of being jealous and junior high. If I try to talk to her about her addictions, she says I just don't even TRY to understand what her life is like.

I know in my heart this is over. But I just don't know what to do:(