Why would my "Friend" do this to me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Why would my "Friend" do this to me?
22
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 12:42pm

Hello Everyone:



So I am not sure if I am over reacting or if I have a reason to be upset and hurt. Here is a little history: My friend of 10yrs and I dated, things went horribly bad, two years later I still care for him, but had lost contact. I ran into his best friend who said here's his number you should call. I txt not expecting anything just closure and I got just that. We said the past is the past and left the future vague which I am okay with. Like I said I still care for him and a part of me still thinks about the what if, but I know that, that ship has long sailed.



My friends have known and still know how I feel about him and they also know the type of person I am...so if they come across any information

Jazzie Faye

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2008
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 1:08pm

I would ignore her. How important is she compared to your happiness and peace of mind? The answer, She isn't.



She's playing Jr. High School games. Let her have her little moment of insecurities and immaturity.

"IMAGINE" All The people, Living Life in Peace...................., "You may say I'm a dreamer; But, I'm not he only one." "Be A Dreamer and Imagine."
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 1:20pm

Hi Jazzie Faye,



Welcome to the board. I'm wondering if she slept with him or is planning on seeing him again (behind her hubby's back of course). That could be the reason for the secrecy. Is there any way you could find out if there's any hanky panky going on without confronting her about it? Don't dump her just yet. As Michael Corlione says, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 2:02pm

I feel like she's hiding something.



Sorry.



 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 4:38pm

Could it be possible, while she began to share with you her encounter with your ex, she realized it perhaps wasn't a good idea to do so after all?

I had a friend in college that had a horrible time getting over her ex. It took her years! The first year, we would casually tell her if we ran into him, saw him somewhere and so on. After a few incidents of this, a few of us started to realize when we told her about him, she would grasp on tighter and it took her longer to find closure and get over him. The "how was he doing?" was then followed by "how did he look?, then "is he dating anyone?" and always "did he ask about me?" or "do you think he misses me?"

At particularly tough times for her, she would call back and ask for a re-enactment.

I know myself and our other friend eventually just stopped telling her. And then the one semester I ended up with him in my class, I dropped the class because I didn't want to her find out I had a class with him. And when she found out one of our friends saw him and talked to him at a party and didn't tell her, she went incredible hulk on the friend. Then didn't talk to the friend for eons. And then would call us and vent over the friend's betrayal.

It was a fairly destructive cycle. We all felt bad, but it was a decision made both for self preservation and also to help her get over him.

We all held our breath when they ended up at the same company for their internships. Fortunately, he showed his true colors and she ended up realizing just how much of a loser he was.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 6:13pm
Wow, Anna. Your friend acted really bad, when she went all hulk on your other friend and then held a grudge. Maybe the OP's friend had the same thing in mind (that you and your friends had). But I'm wondering why her friend mentioned seeing him in the first place?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 7:14pm

I feel like its all high school games, but I guess I never expected this from her so it kind of hurts...now its not even what was said cause as I mentioned as hard as it may have been for me i'm at a place where I know that, that ship has sailed...Now its about her building me up to just let me down...I feel more hurt now then had she said yes he has a girlfriend...I mean damn its not like I haven't dated in the last two years...



I don't want to end a friendship, but I feel distrust toward her and I don't know if I can get passed that...



And thank you for this "***

Jazzie Faye
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 7:16pm
Jazzie Faye
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 7:21pm

Oh I know she is hiding something and that is not even the issue. The issue is she knows where I stand with the whole situation and for her to give me a taste of the cake and not a whole piece upsets me to the 10th degree....



My question is what does she have to hide...hello he doesn't want a relationship I get that so him having a girlfriend is not the end all...I already know he is not married and does not have kids...

Jazzie Faye
Jazzie Faye
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 9:52pm

Honestly a real friend wouldn't have said or done the things that she did!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 10:09pm

Very funny, and true!



 

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