Work and life situation with my DH, need advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
Work and life situation with my DH, need advice!
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 2:32pm

Me and my DH are going trough a dificult time and we're having some difficulty understanding what to do.

So, we lived 4 years in another city where we both developed our careers. It wasn't perfect there, but there were many job opportunities and we lived a confortable life. Then we decided to come back home and I've got a very good job opportunity here working for a start-up. My DH couldn't find a job here so we lived for almost 1 year on just my income (which was a good salary). Then the start-up didn't bring any business and ended closing doors. That wan't much of a problem because my husband finally found a new job, and I've got pregnant at the time, so this time I was pregnant at home and we were living on his income. When I was 8 months pregnant, his company stoped paying the salaries. After 2 months the company open bankruptcy and my DH was unemployed again. So, we were both unemployed and with a newborn baby girl.

We couldn't find a job and we ended having to leave our home that was rented. This was on October last year and we moved to a family's house that was empty and they let us live there for a while without paying any rent, which was nice.

The problem is, my DH doesn't want to go back to the city we used to live because he didn't like it very much. He wants to go to another cities more "family oriented". Although I understand him and also agree, I wouldn't mind to go back to the city we used to live if that means having our life back. Because we have been unemployed since October without managing to find a new job here. His family have been helping us finantially and now my DH also arranged some freelance short period works that are well paid and provide us with money to survive and also to move away.

We have been sending lots of resumes to these other cities, but there aren't a lot of job opportunies there and we had just a few responses, none positive. I would like to stay at home with the baby for her first year, but due to our situation, I' also looking for a job. I had invitations to interviews at the city we used to live but didn't go since my DH really doesn't want to go back there. I wouldn't mind to go back there, have our life back and the continue to look elsewhere, but my DH says he's tired of moving around and want to go to a place to stay there long term, not something short term and then moving around again, especially with a baby. Although I understand him, I'm sick of this situation we're in and going back to the city we used to live, have a job, have a house payed by us, have our money and our life back seems better then continuing in this situation, especially when we've been like this for 7 months and especially that at the city we used to live there are more work opportunities. I feel it's too much time for us to be living like this and I can't stand it anymore.

Although it was nice for his family to let us live at their house, and we're there just the three of us, I feel that my DH's family is always showing, always meddling in our lives and I don't like to live so much time in a house that I don't feel mine! And I would like for the baby to have her bedroom as well and have our privacy.

On 7 monthsI didn't have any interview invitations for other cities and my DH's had just one but they didn't offer him the job. This worries me a lot. We wanted to move on Spring and it's almost Summer and we have nothing already. How many months will pass and we still on this situation?

My DH prefers to be on this situation and waiting for a job at a place we want to stay long-term, and I wouldn't mind to go back to the city we used to live and get out of the difficult situation we have now!

I don't know what to do. I understand him and also agree to some extent, but I'm getting frustrated, sad and anxious with all this. Of course we already talked about this several times, and also had some arguments as well.

Please advise me!

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 12:54pm

Its awfully hard to advise someone on a matter like this because the decision needs to be made by the people involved, not friends, family, or strangers.