Would you feel the same way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
Would you feel the same way?
7
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 12:37pm
I don’t go out that much on the weekends, Im a homey person but that does not mean I don’t like to go out; I like to go out but not by myself. I don’t have many friends that I go out with with, in fact every time I make plans to go out and my friends agree, they let me down, because after making the plans verbally, they never call again to follow up, so I never go out at the end.

The thing is this. I have a sister who is divorced; she and her new boyfriend, who is also divorced, like to go out very much, to the movies, to the mall, to eat, to know a new mall in town, etc. They go out every weekend. My sister, her boyfriend an me, all are around the same age.

There are times especially on a Saturday or Sunday, which I always stay at home, that they do go out but instead of asking me if I want to join them, instead they ask a cousin of us (me and my sister’s cousin) and my 8yrd cousin’s daughter. My cousin does not have to call them or being after them to check what they are doing on a weekend to get invited; my sister does that out of her own will. On the contrary, I have to call my sister and ask her if we could go to the movies or check what she is doing on a weekend because I’m bored. My sister hangs out with her boyfriend, and they invite my cousin and her daughter to go out, instead Im the one who has to be after my sister and tell her why don’t we go out some day to the movies. Just like 3 times I have gone out with my sister and my brother in law, but those occasions have been because I was the one asking them, not the other way around.

For example today my cousin, her daughter, my sister and her boyfriend went to know a new mall in town and went to the movies. By any chance they took me into account or at least ask me if I want to go? Nothing of that happened and they knew I was going to stay home. I know that because in the morning my sister, my cousin came to the house to pick up a thing my sister forgot the day before she came to visit, and my sister’s boyfriend was waiting outside with the car, because soon they had to leave to the mall.

I feel like a left out sometimes because I was always the one who has to ask my sister that why don’t we hang out, my sister out of her own will, don’t do it. Instead, my cousin does not have to ask my sister, my sister takes her into account.

Im not a remorseful person but sometimes it does not feel right. I have never brought this issue up to my sister, because she will say that why I say that if we have hanged out together several times, I should not be complaining, that is why I never tell my sister anything.

Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 3:55pm

It seems to me that your sister and cousin are friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 4:41pm
My sister and her cousin used to be very good friends, but from a time, they got apart, now they dont hang out as much as before. I told you that I have hanged out with my sister and her boyfriend several times.

As far as my friends are concerned, the ones who never follow up are them not me. Im the one always after them to make plans, calling them but they always say I call you and then they never will, that is why I never go out, becuase Im interested in going out Im the one calling proposing the plan to going out, they are agree, but at that moment we dont set a date or time, because they need time to decide what day could be ok for them, that is why they tell me: I call you.

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 11:10pm
When your sister takes you places, do you contribute to refreshments at the movie, or show that you appreciate her and her BF by paying for meals or movies? I can tell that your sister and your cousin are closer to one another. They probably have more fun and better company. Don't be jealous, find another someone you can get closer to and takes you places and keeps you entertained. I have a cousin who is very close to me, and my sister don't even know it.

Also: does your cousin have her own transportation? You might want to call her and spend time with her. Don't wait around for someone to go with. And you don't have to keep calling your sister, either. Sometimes, hanging out with a vaiety of people is more fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 1:16am
When I go to the movies each one pay their own ticket and when there are meals involved after the movie, my sister or her boyfriend do not treat me with food, I have to pay my own meal or at least contribute in an amount of money if the boyfriend like to pay for all.

I dont have another cousin who is close to me. My sister is close to the cousin because my sister is the godmother of my cousin´s daughter and there were times they hang out together very weekend, now they dont hang out that often as before, now they see each other less.

My cousin does have her own car. My cousin has her own friends from work, she goes out with them. My cousin and I are not the kind of people who like to spend time together by ourselves, we dont have that much in common, my sister is closer to her than me because they share many things together like they both are divorced, my sister is the god mother of our cousin´s daughter, I know my cousin and all, but has nothing to do by hanging out with me. The only time I could go out with my cousin is if my sister, her boyfriend, my cousin and I all go out not just she and I.

As I said, I dont have friends to go or hang out with, the times I have gotten out has been because I have gone out with my sister and her bf, not thru friends. If it wasnt for my sister, I could end up stuck at home always, although I just have gone otu with my sister like 4 times in different occasions, not in a row.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 5:53pm
I think you should let your sister have her time with your cousin. Trust me if you interfere you will only make the situation worse. I would try to set up a time with your sister once a month or so to do something together. If this does not work, then I would get a hobby that you could enjoy alone. Also, you said that your sister said you were complaining about you guys doing stuff together. Try to make your requests for time together to sound like an open idea or fun suggestion. If she feels like you are whining, or pointing out her mistakes she will be less likely to want to do things withy you. I hope feel less left out soon.

Yavonne

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Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 7:37pm
Now I understand. My sister acts like your sister when we were growing up. She thinks I was such an intruder, hanging around with her friends and tell me to go find my own friends to hang out with. I have always left behind. We don't have alot in common, she's on her own and I'm on my own. I don't even know if she's well, dead or kidnapped. Sorry, but she have pushed me away too many times, that I feel just as you feel.

Lucky you have friends, like us, you can talk to. We're here for you if you need us!

I don't know what else to say. I have once co-workers, but they don't hang out with me. Work is work and when it's over I go home to my family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 12:19am
I am sorry that u feel left out :-( I do agree w/ the others, that the best thing might be for u to just find other friends, other ppl to hang out w/. I dont know about u but personally I'd get pretty sick of that situation and always feeling left out and like I had to practically beg them to hang out w/ me. BTW this is kind of off topic but to me it was a big surprise when u said that ur sis and her bf invite the cousin and her 8 yr old daughter, b-cuz in my experience (even tho I dont have kids, Im just 18) it seems like usually ppl leave out the person w/ kids! Funny how that works different sometimes. But also I can see how that would make u feel alot worse, I mean it would be a whole different story if it was just that ur sis and her bf wanted to do everything ALONE just the 2 of them, that would probably be just fine w/ u right? Anyway - U deserve better friends and I am sure u will find some. Just dont be afraid to talk to ppl and get to know them. U have nothing to lose. If ur friendly to some1 (a potential friend) and they arent friendly back, then #1 that is their problem, and their loss and #2 thats great b-cuz it tells u right off that theyre not worth ur friendship so u can move on to the next potential friend. I know that u can find ppl who enjoy hanging out w/ u. There are tons of ppl out there who dont like going places alone. I personally dont mind it but my sis is like that, she doesnt like to go places alone so she always wants some1 to go along w/ her. I hope that it works out for u - just remember ur sister is not the only potential friend for u. Theres plenty of ppl out there just waiting to meet u, I know it sounds weird but its true! Heck if u lived in my town I would go to a movie with u :-) Hugs, Rhiannon