Younger Sister is slowly tearing our family apart.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2013
Younger Sister is slowly tearing our family apart.....
4
Thu, 08-15-2013 - 2:28pm

Yeah so I am going to get on my soapbox for a minute and I hope you all don't judge me for what I am about to say. I love my family (immediate) I really do but I don't love my sister like I should. 5 years ago I had her put in jail for Meth. My parents were devestated but I tried to tell them that something was going on, but did they listen noooooo! She was served with divorce papers while in jail and her 2 year old was taken from her. I now find out she has been going to the methadone clinic since getting out of jail 5 YEARS AGO!! She doesn't work, has an illigitimate child with a man that won't get divorced and marry her yet my parents do everything they can to make sure SHE is taken care of. I don't get it she isn't the only child, I have never done drugs and I NEVER ask my parents for anything yet they don't see that she is driving a wedge between our family. When I try to tell my mom what she is doing all she says is well she's a grown woman. I just don't understand. My mom is enabling her and she don't even see it. I don't talk to my sister because everytime I do it is the same old thing. It really bothers me but I have gotten to the point where I just don't talk to any of them. Sorry to ramble on my first post I'm just bothered by it all.

 

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

My 'quick reply' answer is this:  only concern yourself with your R (relationship) with your mom as mother and daughter, and your R with your sister, as siblings.  You can't do anything about the R between your mom and sister.  To put it bluntly, "it isn't any of your business."  Love your mother and sister for who they are.  Acceptance is hard, I know.  But this resentment will eat you up and you will be the only one to suffer.  Your mom and sister seem to be okay with their current arrangement.  Don't get me wrong, I get it.  But you have to let go.  I am sure others will reply and fill in some blanks that I have left out.

Serenity CL making a second marriage work

p.s.  Quick reply actually did'n't work.  I had to copy and paste my reply in the "reply" window.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2013
Thank you for your reply I just have a hard time seeing my sister take money from my parents when she is doing nothing to try to make a better life for herself. I have gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore I had rather not talk to her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Did you ever hear about the story of the Prodigal Son in the Bible?  If you're not Christian, I'm sure you can find it somewhere.  Maybe your parents just figure that your life is straightened out & you can take care of yourself & they are worried about your sis, esp. since she has a child.  Is the child with her?  Maybe they are doing these things so their grandchild won't starve. 

Yes, I have a friend in a similar situation.  she is the only girl w/ 4 brothers.  Two of those brothers have problems.  One has a mental illness so you can't really blame him for his situation--their mother kind of convinced him he couldn't work or do anything for himself and now that the mom is very old & in a nursing home & this guy is on his own, it's a real project for my friend to get this guy to be more self sufficient.  Then she has another brother who was a drug addict for years.  The mom spent a lot of money getting him help in private rehab centers.  Well he's probably 50 now but he is finally off drugs for years now, but I know that my friend carries some resentment that she has been working all her life and could have used some extra money, like sending her kids to college and her mother gave out more money to these 2 brothers. 

But I'd say don't let this all ruin your relationship w/ your parents.  Just spend time with them when they aren't with your sister and really forget about the money unless the money they are giving your sister is money that they really need to survive.  then you might mention that they need to take care of themselves first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011

Hi TStone, Can I ask you a question.. if you dont talk to your sister, then how do you know whats going on between your mom and her? Does your mom let you know? 

Maybe its time you tell your mom that you love her but you dont want to hear anything more anout the sister. That means no communication with her. When you do see her, talk about neutral topics, like the weather and jobs and things that are not personal. I know with my family, there are things Id rather not talk about at all with them so I only talk about things that I want them to know about. 

Im sure your sister is secretly embarrassed about all the issues that she is faced with and she is probably not keen on you knowing anything either. My concern would be if your mom enables her to the point that this affects her money that she will need for later in her own life, like the other reply stated. So if your mom feels that she can afford to help your sister then there is anything you can do about it except get on with your own life and not immerse yourself in the affairs of your sister or your mom and your sister.