am I wrong to feel this way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
am I wrong to feel this way?
11
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 7:31pm

I was friends with this girl for about a year.  I never liked her as much as my other friends (we had a mutual friend).  One day I just had to end my friendship with her.  First her background may explain her actions: she's 39, still lives with her mom because her parents divorced when she was a baby.  Her mom retired a few months ago and moved to a community living place with a club house and pool, tennis etc. as my friend says (I think it's an over 55 retirement place but she says no).  This 39 yr old girl went with her mom to live in this place and now commutes 2 hrs each way to work (4 hours!!)!!!!  She's a virgin but has been with guys (I think she's done oral, but nothing more, I forget). She also loves music, rock and heavy metal, but she is very religious and plays the drums in her church band.  Over the summer she went to her annual church picnic or whatever.  One time I told her that I hated my acne from PMS and I always seem to break out when I have a date and that I wish I could get laser for the ugly hair on my face.  She started on this whole thing "God loves you and we are all beautiful."  This comng from a person who loves heavy metal?  LOL.  Sorry if this sounds judgmental. 

When I first met her, it was at a concert and after the show my friend and I waited for the band to come out for autographs.  She was nice to talk to although she made sexual jokes. I dont even remember what they were.  Then she was saying how sexy the singer was on stage and how she'd want to be with him.  Ok, fine, I said that stuff like that, but when I hit puberty in 1987 over Jon Bon Jovi. I was 12 yrs old not 39!!!   I am 37 and yes, the singer is hot, but I don't tell my friends that I have sex dreams and explain what I want to do with him. Really?  Do any of you guys know women in their late 30's to say things like this?  I don't!   I mean I may have day dreamed about doing sexual things with my boyfriend once in a while but only because we did it before.  How can she say she's a virgin at 39?  Maybe she's immature like this because she's a virgin?

Now it comes to the point where I had to end our friendship.  Number one, I added her to my Facebook and almost everyday she'd post pictures of things relating to farts.  I admit, I love those blunt cards but I like the ones with sarcasm, not fart jokes.  She's just insane.  Our mutual friend posted that it was her dad's birthday and she commented to "give him a big, juicy kiss for me."  My friend was like "Ewww, no!"  Then another one of our mutual friends likes to share pics of quotes. One showed a guy and a girl sitting on a couch and the girl was crying but she had leaned over in the guy's lap to cry.  The saying was something like "I'll always be here for you" or "You can always lean on me."   So the 39 yr old had to comment about how that was a good position to start oral sex.  She ruined the moment of that beautiful quote!

What a crazy woman!  We are no longer friends.  Am I being a prude or over reacting?   I also think she should have moved out on her own years ago even if it meant her mom would be alone.  How else can her mom meet a new husband and have dates if her daughter is living with her, and vice versa, as far as I know, my ex friend never had a boyfriend for the whole year I knew her.  Am I being mean for thinking that this women is a little immature and has a dirty mouth?

Thanks for your time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 12:04pm
I think you are right
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 03-18-2013 - 7:24pm

LOL!!!  I did not realize I typed that.  What happened to spell check that use to be on here?!?!

Yes, I am on FB and know there are so many groups to join.

sigh sigh Cry

 

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 03-18-2013 - 7:19pm

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2013
Sat, 03-16-2013 - 4:00pm

The first part it did seem like you were being judgemental. The second have shows just how immature this girl is. Maybe a joke fart here and there is funny but if she does it all the time she needs to seriously grow up.

I am fine with the virgin thing. There are many virgins who are older. Many (not all) virgins are mature when it comes to sex, farts and all that.

You made the right choice. You don't need a child to be your friend, you need an adult.

Please keep in mind that first part may not be something to get upset about. God should love you for who you are. She has a point. You need to look at inner self as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Wed, 02-06-2013 - 1:39pm

It just sounds like you two don't have much in common in the way that you view things or sense of humor.  There is nothing wrong with that, that is just life.  It seems like how she has decided (for whatever reason) to live her life annoys you, so it's probably best that you do yourself and her a favor by ending the friendship.  Everyone is unique, this woman appears to enjoy her life the way it is, so she needs friends who just accept her the way she is.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2011
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 10:56am

Sounds like a case of arrested development. And I am sure Mom had a hand in that. Most people by 39 are married with kids and have some sense of responsiblity. But some where along the line your friend never developed   a sense of responsiblity. Ifg mom was going to find someone else she would have by now. But I am betting Mom babied yourt friend and never taght her responsiblity. At this point you are no longer a teenager and neither is your friend. I think u are ready to grow up. So  don't worry about your friend. or ex-friend. Allow yourself not to feel guilty

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 7:51pm

Good to know you laughed at what she posted.   I admit we all need to laugh once in a while, but there is a difference between funny, innocent jokes and gross jokes.   I should've said all this  before but I forgot.  

I am sorry this all happened but I am glad you wrote your letter and she contacted you even if what she said was negative.  It is better than nothing at all.  

I have a friend who is married now with 2 kids. We have not had a fight, but I know our friendship is over in a sense. She is too busy for me now.  The way I deal with losing friends is how I deal with losing boyfriends.  First I grieve and then remember memories we shared together, then the memories fade and I tell myself there are other fish in the sea and join a dating website.  LOL  Good luck with you and your friend.  Maybe I will copy and paste this in your other post too

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 3:34pm

instead of overreacting you typed overeating.  Then you said "kwim"?

But yes, you did help, I never looked at it this way:   whatever I feel is natural, so my natural feeling can't be wrong.  You are right, Thanks.

And about the fart jokes: It's not like my ex-friend typed out her own jokes in her status updates on Facebook.  You're on Facebook, too right?  Do you know how there are "groups" that you join and you see their things on your newsfeed that you can "share"?  She's a member of all these immature gross groups and keeps sharing these jokes all the time.  One I'll never forget is around Christmas time, she posted a pic of snowmen in a factory for  rainbow colored snowcones.  I mean, just the empty cone holders were in an assembly line and all the snowmen were going to the bathroom to fill the empty cone holders!!

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 12:29pm

Glad I did not offend you.  What do you mean my auto spell check took over?

Had I helped you any? Smile  I think if I went on facebook and posted fart jokes, I am sure my friends list would definetly go down!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 10:03am

Thank you, Heidi. No, you did not offend me.  I think your auto spell check took over!!!

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