Backing out as a bridesmaid...?
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|Wed, 06-26-2013 - 3:32pm|
My "friend" asked me to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming October wedding (she asked me last October)...let me brief you first. She WAS in my wedding three years ago, back when we were good friends - yes, good friends. About a year after our wedding, our friendship sort of faded (as well as friendships of her other close friends, including her lifelong best friend growing up). I would invite her to lunch, or over to grill out with friends, or shopping, or anything but she'd always be "too busy." Although she did come over to see my first born son, that's about the last time (and only time after our wedding) I saw her (again, even though I've made much effort to get together with her on numerous occasions). Often times, I would text or call her to see how she was doing but would never receive a response of any kind from her...although I used to give her the benefit of the doubt, it became irritating and I felt it was rather rude, often times relating it to maybe why she has lost many of her friends...?
So...during the course of the last 1.5 years, she has met, briefly dated, and become engaged to this guy. This past October, 2012, she asked me to go with her to a bridal show and I was THRILLED she invited me because she hasn't so much as tried to get together with me in quite long time! The day of this bridal show came and she asked me to be her bridesmaid...wow! I was excited and truely thought this was her way of "rekindling" our friendship!
Well, since then, I've asked her to hang out, or go out, or get together, etc numerous times only to be disappointed yet again. She invited me to go with her and her other two bridesmaids to find a dress for us to wear on her big day, which of course I gladly attended and bought a dress for the wedding day (this was back in March). But again, that day came and went and now she never speaks to me! Often times even down right rude to me and ignores my calls/texts and doesn't respond to me at all (again)! I've been pregnant with my second child and she never asks how I am doing, how I am feeling, how things are going, etc but I feel like I'm constantly asking her how her planning is going and what I can do to help blah, blah, blah. Everytime I ask her to get together to talk about things (wedding, life in general, etc) she always says, "well, I'm busy this weekend and next too but we will soon!" My last text to her was that I'd really like to get together before my baby is born (end of July/early August) because after that, it will be very difficult for me to get together before her big day (mid-October) but again, she's "too busy."
I thought about talking to another bridesmaid but one is her sister so I certainly don't feel comfortable with that and the other is a girl I hardly know and I don't feel comfortable with that either because I don't know how close their relationship is either.
I feel as though we aren't even friends anymore and I certainly don't feel right being in this wedding. We are an one income family (I stay home with my son and soon the newborn baby as well), and money can be tight and my husband and I feel that being in a wedding can get very expensive and we don't feel that the investment in this wedding is worth it. She could care less about my life and certainly doesn't make any effort to even have any sort of relationship with me. I have been venting to her "ex" best friend about this...she put it in perspective by explaining to me how most, if not all, of her old friends are not even friends with her anymore and that she obviously does not cherish her friendships. It makes me sad, but at the same time, I feel as if I discuss it with her, she might make more of an effort for the sake of her big day, but then after the wedding, this will happen all over again. I need to make this decision now before autumn rolls around and it will really be too late...do you think I'd be making a bad decision by backing out and avoiding all of this stress (especially once our baby comes)???