Best Friend Troubles

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2013
Best Friend Troubles
2
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 5:09pm

My best friend has a boyfriend she has been with for about 3 years, the last 2 years they have been on and off. I have watched her cry and vent about how he doesn't treat her right and how she's not happy, they are never broken up for long but they keep breaking up and getting back together. This last time they broke up was bad, she was crying and drinking, and I began to really dislike this guy.  They broke up for about a month and she was being strong and becoming happy again, now she is back with him and I am really upset, I don't like her boyfriend anymore and I really don't want to talk to her about their relationship anymore.  I feel like I'm avoiding hanging out with her (and I'm really avoiding hanging out with them as a couple) and I feel like I'm losing my best friend, I don't want to be like this, I just want her to be happy, and if being with him makes her happy then I want to be happy for her, but I am having so much trouble, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2013
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 5:32pm

I really think you just have to be brutally honest and tell her how you feel, what is going through your mind and that she is such a good friend to you.  Tell her that you care for her and want her to be happy, that you doubt this guy will make her happy, but hey, if she wants to be with him you will be there for her when she needs you.  But, that you can't play that big a part in her life, for now.  Unless he changes, puts all this crap behind him and starts treating her like he should.  Explain all this to her and that you have been there for her when she needed you.  All I know is, she had a lousy boyfriend, but a good friend in you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 12-24-2013 - 7:14pm

IMPO, your friend is in an unhealthy relationship.The guy is sick, she is sick for being with that guy and you in case you are not really sick as well, you will be soon if you don´t take a big step. It is good that you want your friend to be happy, but first she needs to want to be happy. Her relationship is sick and I don´t think it is worth saving it. You are dealing with an addict. She is addict is this relationship ( it hurts but she needs it).

It is up to you if you want to listen to her complains for the rest of your life, or you break with his dysfuntional triangle that is making you sick.

 

I woudn´t do that for anyone.