I would have been hurt and offended but not stunned, based on how she has been treating you for the past few years. It sounds like her intention was to snub you at the memorial, for some reason she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore. Your bf is right, let go of the idea of remaining friends with her.
Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it. It has been a very difficult time for me, and it helps to have a place to share it. You're right....I shouldn't have been stunned by her behavior. And, honestly, I had a lot of misgivings about going to the memorial at all. On the one hand, I wanted to honor her mother who was a very nice woman that I liked a lot. But on the other, because of the fact that she had made no effort to get back to or respond to me since her mother died, I suspected that I would feel uncomfortable there, as I was going by myself. And I was. In the end, though, I handled myself with dignity, and I know that despite the way she was treating me, it was the right thing to do. I don't regret going. I honored her mother, and it also cemented for me that her failure to respond to my efforts to get in touch with her were intentional and not just situational. As painful as all of this has been for me, I know that my bf is right, and you are right. I am working on letting go of the friendship for good. The fact that she has still not made any effort to contact me makes it easier to do. I cannot keep banging my head on that wall, trying to understand something that I just cannot understand. I am truly sorry for her loss. I really am. But I am also disgusted with how she has treated me. As an old and good friend, I deserved a hell of a lot better from her. If I did something, I haven't the slightest clue what it is and don't see how I could have done anything considering that I have not spent any time with her since last summer. I really haven't even talked to her much. Not for lack of trying on either of those fronts. I've tried to respect her space and not be too intrusive as she has gone through all of this, and I've tried to just be a good and supportive friend, and I believe with everything I have that it is her loss. I would say it was my loss too, but it would only be in regards to the friend she used to be, not the friend she has become. Thanks, again, for your response.