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Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
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11
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 2:57pm

 

 

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Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 3:40pm

Has she possibly been going through something stressful or emotional? I know some people will push others away when they're going through a tough time. Or if you're the one who has been going through some stuff, sometimes people don't know how to handle it, don't know how to be supportive so they run away.

If nothing like that has been going on, I don't know what to suggest except maybe she's just changed - and not for the better.

That's assume that when she became distance, you reached out to her and asked what was wrong with concern and that during the email exchange, you didn't say anything hurtful.

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 3:10pm

Ukgirl82,

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post.

I did not say anything hurtful in the emails.

All of the other issues you mention are very possible.  Maybe she is going through something medical or emotional that she does not want to share and therefore has pushed me away. 

I always just assume it must of been something "I did" and maybe it is, but no idea what.  But, I am learning that it may have nothing to do with me personally.  I take friendships seriously and probably too personally.

Thanks again for your thoughts Smile

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 7:17pm

I have had a similar experience. I had a best friend for about 12 years, and it all ended when she came to live with us for a while.

Though we had spent so many years having fun, lunches on the beach, holidays with my kids, bingo trips and other stuff, having her move in to our house was a friendship breaker.

She was verbally abusive to my kids, a pack rat, and just not a nice person to live with.

It tore our friendship apart. Weird though for about 2 yrs off and on her phone would "auto" dial me and I could hear back ground noises of her talking to people or being at a casino.

I miss the friendship and good times we had, but I don't miss the abusive person who lived in my house.

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Fri, 01-25-2013 - 2:02pm

Thank you for replying.  Sorry to hear you also lost your best friend and not good at all that she was verbally abusive to your children.  I hope your children were okay after she left.

How do you get through the loss?  I don't have an explanation to why she ended it, so I am left with so many questions.  And, how does a person say so many positive good things about their best friend for years, then call her what she called me (a psychotic b...).  I don't know how to "let go" as they say.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Fri, 01-25-2013 - 8:15pm

Trust me, my kids got over it. One got her room back and didn't have to share with her little sister anymore, and my house didn't smell like birds or cat litter anymore either.

I do miss going to bingo or a casino occasionally with her, and our drives to the beach for lunch. But I don't miss the negative times, when she felt she didn't get enough of my attention or when she was verbally abusive to my kids.

So I have learned to move on, and when I think I miss her, I remember that many of the bad times out weigh the good, as the good times usually had to be on her terms.

I hope it works out the best for you and your friend, whether you get back together or move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Mon, 01-28-2013 - 3:41pm
It would drive me nuts to not know the reason why, but you don't need anyone in your life who would call you a psychotic b for any reason. Do you have any mutual friends that might know some insider info?

Chelsea

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open."

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 01-28-2013 - 7:47pm

Chelsea,

I appreciate you taking your time to respond.

We do have a mutual male friend, and he tried asking her why she is doing this and asked her if she would call me.  Her response to him was that it was between her and I and she did not want him involved.  How can it be between her and I when there is no more, "her and I"?????

You know, today I happen to come across a tub of old greeting cards from over the years.  There were tons of best friends and friends forever cards from her, saying she could not live without me, how important I am in her life, and so many things like that.  I believe she really did mean what was in the cards.  So, now, I just cannot understand how she could just walk away from the friendship and appear to not care or mean any of that.  How does someone do that?  I do not understand.  I know I am sapose to let it go, but how?????

Thanks

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 10:23am

I'm sorry to hear about your situation with this woman.  Maybe go to her house and knock on her door if she is avoiding you?

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 1:02pm

Thanks for taking time to respond to my post.

I would love to go knock on her door, but she is in another state Undecided

I did mail her a letter since she changed her email adress, and other people said it was a well written, good letter.  I told her I missed her and didn't understand why she has ended our friendship, she has not responded Cry

All my friends have basically told me to let her go.  There is nothing I can do.  What do you think?  How do you let go?

Thanks for reading, I appreciate your thoughts.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 8:01pm

You're welcome. 

I am sorry this all happened to you, but I am glad you wrote your letter and she contacted you. Only time can tell the end result.  I 

I have a friend who is married now with 2 kids. We have not had a fight, but I know our friendship is over in a sense. We don't have personal talks anymore because most of the time I go to her house and her kids are there. I would not want to expose them to our conversation.  She is too busy for me now.  

The way I deal with losing friends is how I deal with losing boyfriends or guys I dated shortly.  First I grieve and then remember memories we shared together, then the memories fade and I tell myself there are other fish in the sea and join a dating website.  LOL.  I know this cannot compare to a close friendship you've had with your friend, but this is all I know for me.

Good luck with you and your friend.  

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