Friend's child is rude

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2013
Friend's child is rude
3
Sun, 05-26-2013 - 11:41pm

I have a close friend whose daughter is 3 1/2. We spent a good bit of time together, and lately I have found myself not wanting to do things with my friend when her daughter comes along. There are a couple of issues.

1. The daughter is very often rude to me and my friend doesn't do anything about it. As an example, today the daughter said her tummy hurt. I said "Oh, no, your tummy hurts??" And she yelled at me, "No!! I'm telling Mommy, not you!" My friend said nothing. She seems to think this is just how 3 year olds behave.

2. The daughter interrupts almost constantly when we're talking. Not only does my friend not tell her to wait her turn to speak, she totally forgets that we were even having a conversation and gets involved in whatever the daughter is doing.

3. My friend allows the daughter to dictate what we do, allows her behavior to change the plan at the last minute. As in, we agree on Plan A, daughter objects ten minutes before we go, so we change to Plan B, then she changes her mind and it's back to Plan A at the last minute.

I realize that the little girl is 3 and none of this is her fault. I also realize I could at least be asserting myself when it comes to plans changing and will do so in the future. I just feel my friend should be shutting a lot of this behavior down. I haven't been able to think of a way to bring it up with her without it sounding like I'm telling her how to raise her child. However, it is having a negative impact on our friendship because a) we can't have conversations and b) I just plain don't want to hang out with them a lot of the time. That's important too.

Anyone else have this problem, and how do you handle it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2012
Tue, 05-28-2013 - 10:17am
That's a tough one. If you call your friend out for allowing her child to behave this way, you may lose a friendship. On the other hand, it sounds like your friendship is suffering because of it. Is the 3.5 yr old an only child? I think if it were me, I'd try to plan activities with your friend without her daughter. Hopefully this is just a phase the girl is going through and in a few months, you'll be able to socialize with your friend again with the daughter in tow. Good luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2011
Tue, 05-28-2013 - 4:09pm
I think that you just need to either hang out less with this friend, or arrange your time together when her daughter can be cared for by someone else. While some of her behavior is standard for that age, you can't let them dictate everything you do or you will create a monster. If she changes plans again, tell your friend that you can no longer attend and to reschedule.

 photo abbysummer_zps85da8a35.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2013
Sat, 06-01-2013 - 9:43am

Thank you. Yeah, it's a hard one. Saying something probably isn't a good option. I guess you all are right, all I can do is try to be clearer about my own time being valuable and hope she gets the message that I am frustrated. Who knows. I've come to terms with the fact that our lives are just different now that she has a child (this is her first), and that's not going to change until/unless I have one of my own.