Frustrated by husband's male friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Frustrated by husband's male friend
15
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 9:47pm
I'm very frustrated by a comment that my husband's friend, I'll call him John for easier discussion, made this weekend. John, his wife and children are also our family friends. I think this comment broke the camel's back so say. I'm not sure how to handle it. If John's family wasn't friends of ours I would just ignore him and not be as bothered. I obviously will have to have continued interactions with him and am asking for your advice on how to deal with him from now on. John has made many comments to my husband about me. He (John) gets very angry when I talk to other men. My husband doesn't! His friend does!! Last year a mutual male friend of my husband and I's car broke down on the way to our children's high school basketball game. I gave him a ride to the game. This particular friend was stopped in the parking lot of the school and told by John that he didn't need to be riding with me to the game. My husband knew and actually had our friend call me to see if i could give him him a ride!! We were at a wedding dance and a 6th grade male friend of my son asked me to dance. John complained to my husband about the boy and said the boy always goes after the MILFS. Give me a break! Who says something like that? My husband and I don't go out often, but this weekend we went out for a drink after a ball game. We were having a great time and I was talking to one of my sons coaches about the game. I could tell John was angry with me and made a point of shaking everyone's hand but mine and telling them good bye. My husband told me on our way home that John said to him that I was hitting on the coach and he didn't like it?? my husband was right there when the coach and I talked and knew better. At first I always thought that my husband was telling this to me because this was his own thoughts, but I have had many male friends tell me that he (John) has told them to stay away from me. He accuses them of trying to dance with me when we are all out on the dance floor. Not true...most guys I know are scared of my husband and wouldn't attempt to ask me to dance. My husband and I are always dancing together anyway! If we were not family friends, I'll be honest, I'd tell him off. I feel like for some reason he thinks I'm his property. I'm embarrassed about it and feel horrible for his wife that he acts like an idiot, so I don't want to cause a scene. I asked my husband why he doesn't tell him that I'm not his wife I'm his? He said for the same reason I don't say something to him. I'm not sure what to do, so I would really appreciate an outsiders opinion. Thank you!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 8:15pm

Probably he is a jealous man and he is just projecting how he would feel if his wife did things you do. As the comments seems to be to your husband, it is your husband duty to set a boundary with him if he doesn't´t like his comments. If he says something to you, I agree you can tell him "I´m not your wife". If your husband is not bothered by his comments, ask your husband not to tell you what he says. 

It is his problem, try not to make it yours. Ignore him.

Tell husband "I don´t want to know what John thinks or says" Period

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 9:45am
Hubby and I sat down and had our talk. I explained to him how I felt about what John said and asked him to speak up for me when John says it again. He explained that he hadn't seen it from my point of view. He saw it as a slam against him and didn't want John to think his comments bothered him. He said he would call him out on it if he made comments again. We both agreed that we should distance ourselves from John, which we have done. I appreciate everyone's advice. It really made a difficult situation easier to handle. Thank you all so much!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 10-01-2012 - 4:26pm

Let us know how it's going in a few weeks.  I hope John straightens out and keeps his nose where it belongs in the future! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Thu, 10-25-2012 - 11:21am
Before I even got to the other posts / responses I was thinking that maybe he is the one with the problem (jealous). I would say he has a thing for you, even more so with the MILF comment.

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