Had to tell friend things she says and does creep me out

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-1997
Had to tell friend things she says and does creep me out
3
Fri, 08-30-2013 - 12:22pm

Ok There is Mary. She is the sister to a good friend.  Mary asks me to be her friend on Facebook.  Ok I do.  I feel bad for Mary.  She's been through a lot growing up.   Stuff done to her by her now deceased brother.  That part I won't mentiion nothing about. Mary is 32 going on 33.   June 2012 the mother passed on from ovarian cancer.  From that time on Mary has taken it pretty bad her mother is gone.  She is a basket case still a year later.  Talks nonesense out of her behind how she misses mom. Bring my momma back.  She will go on and on this and that is her mothers favorite church songs, foods and so forth.  She blubbers to everyone about mom. Sometimes it's very annoying.  She has even put a couple notes by a religious statue in church.  Someone I know well and knows Mary well found it. Said the note said please resurrect my mother now.  

She was told by others she should be in grief counseling.  That she needs to learn to move on in life.  That yes mom is gone now.  But remember the good times you had together.  I know Mary has mental issues not only related to her mothers passing.  Which is why I allowed her to my friend on Facebook. I figured I'd try to be a support person to her. She'd talk goofiness. Stuff I can't mention here.  That I told her politely is not ok to talk about.  She posted on Facebook some guy she friended who speaks to the dead.  The guy said he had messages from her mother for her.  I wrote how that is creepy talking to the dead.  That it is opening up the door to the dark side.  Well I am Catholic.  Mary too was raised Catholic and still goes to church weekly.  I politely explained to her that we don't believe in witches, psychics, mediums and all that.  How she just opened the door to letting demons in.  That sort of stuff bothers me big time.  She got mad.  Says I'll talk to a psychic if I want. Then her guy friend who calls himself Spirt Whisperer Cornelia Marie.  He posts all angry. That I should not judge his abilities as a psychic.  Yells at Mary for telling me about messages he gives her.  I said Mary did not tell me contents of messages nor do I want to know of the contents.  She and he called me some swear names. Then she unfriends and blocks me.  No big deal.  I did what I could to help her through some rough times mentally.  If she does something stupid.  Then she is on her own to deal with the consequences.  I've known Mary since she was a baby.  I talk to my friend about Mary.  She was not aware what was going on.  I said look on her Facebook page.  She has all this bad stuff she and this guy called me.   I said I'm worried about Mary's mental well being. There is no one to call on her that will really listen.  To make sure she is ok.  She lives in a rented room.  In a building just for women.  I almost wanted to contact the housing she lives in. Ask them to check up on her.  If they notice anything bad.  That maybe they can call someone on a psychiatric level with the county.  Mary is supposedly part of a county program that is suppose to be helping her with some of her issues. But it seems they are not doing a good job at that.  It won't be long before something big and bad happens to her.  She'll end up locked up in the county psychiatric hospital.  That is not a place I wish anyone to be sent to.  As that place is not very good at caring for the mental people.  Maybe another psychiatric hospital is better. But based on her insurance and what the county gives her in help. She might not have a choice where they put her. When something bad happens. 

 

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

I would say, based off of your post, that you did what you could by friending her, she has unfriended you, so that is that. 

Seems to me that ultimately decisions will have to be made by your friend, her sister.  All you can do is make your friend aware.  I am sure it is painful to watch, but your options are limted except to support your GF any way you can. 

Serenity

Serenity
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007

Hi Carol,

It sounds like you are a very kind person, that is admireable!  I think you handled the situation well, I think I would of done the same as you did.  It does sound like Mary could benefit from some intense psychiatric help.  I know what you are saying about not having insurance and she could be admitted to a state hospital.  This sounds like a real tough situation and I personally support and admire you for trying to help this woman.

I think you mentioned contacting the place she is living at?  In my opinion, that is what I would do.  It sounds like there is reason to be concerned about her safety and maybe a phone call to the place she is staying would be benefical, if you feel comfortable doing that.  You are looking out for her.

I am sorry to read that she used hurtful swear words towards you, I hope you know that it is not you, it sounds like part of her mental illness that may be the reason (trying to be careful what I write as I am not a psychiatrist, grin).  I do have a degree in psychology.

The world needs more people like you who are willing to go out of their way, take a chance, and help someone.  I hope you know that even though she unfriended you and all, I think you did the right thing.  Just my thoughts.  Hope that helps some.  Hope I was not out of line in this post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I don't think it was really your place to be telling her that it's not Catholic to use psychics and demons are going to come in--that is judgmental.  I know that she does sound like she is having a very hard time processing her mother's death but people handle things differently.  A friend of mine from high school lost her teenage child in a car accident I think 3 yrs ago.  She has 3 other kids.  My friend is still having a very hard time with this.  So I don't think anyone should be telling someone who only lost her mom one year ago to "get on with her life."  I think that's just insensitive to her feelings.  I would definitely not talk to the people in her building if it's just renting a room in a regular building--it's different if it's some kind of halfway house or group home.  But then again, Mary has a sister and it's her sister's business to help her out.  Maybe her sister would not want you interfering with family things.  I think notifying her sister was the right thing to do to look out for Mary but I wouldn't want other people interfering with family business.  Maybe you don't have all the details of what is going on.