So-called best-mates ruined my 50th birthday
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|Wed, 09-19-2012 - 8:14am|
Hi, new here and looking for advice.
My best friend is local and I've known for 32 years and we keep in touch regularly and go out every month or so. sometimes we don't see each other for a while which is fine, but we're pretty much always in contact.
My husband was trying to organise a surprise get-together for my 50th birthday and sent an email to my group of friends looking for suggestions/help. He'd already organised a night-away for us the day before my birthday, at a 5 star hotel complete with limo, champagne etc and was all out of ideas.
This friend calls him up and says "lets have it in your house" to which he said no because I've said to him before that I don't want parties at my home for me as I end up doing all the work. We also have a poorly cat and prefer to keep things quiet for him (she knows about this).
Something has gone wrong between her and my husband which he told me was a big misunderstanding so he ended up sending an email around again saying he'd decided on a location nearby our house and for everyone to come along - it was for a Sunday. Some people replied saying they couldn't make it and they've since contacted me.
This friend didn't even bother to show up or even phone me on my birthday. She phoned me the next day and left a message on my phone saying "happy birthday" - no explanation as to why she wasn't there. No card.... no present... just blanked it. So I texted her and said "why weren't you at my party" - she told me to call her when I have a quiet minute. I've not had any time and replied saying this, but to be honest I think she should be making the effort to contact me and tell me what happened. She works 1/2 a mile from my house and passes the end of my road when going home so she could even have dropped in (I work at home).
The day after my birthday I was sooo upset about this and stupidly was crying my eyes out, I really thought she was a best mate but she's put her feelings etc about my husband before me. Even if she'd stopped by the next day while he was at work she could have redeemed herself - not sure if I can forgive her. I do believe if there was something like "death in the family etc" she would have contacted and explained but it's clearly due to this argument with my hubby.
I hate this situation, I'm not used to falling out with friends but I do think she owes me an explanation. Should I ignore her from now on or push for an answer as to why she ignored me.
Or maybe it's obvious - I'm not really such a great mate as she says I am... the longer it goes on the worse it feels, it's just hanging over my head. At 50 years old you'd think I could resolve friendship issues but I'm not experienced with this at all.
Oh and my other "best friend" sent a card with a £10 Next voucher - THAT also hurt me as I travelled 400 miles to visit her for her surprise 50th and made a big effort and spent a whack of money too. The voucher is a bit like an afterthought. She's not short of money either but even if she'd gone and bought something for £10 that would mean so much more. AND I don't even shop in Next!
So, that's my 2 longest standing friends have deeply hurt me and not made any contact on the day of my birthday. On the plus side some friends did turn up, even if only for an hour.
What should I do?