Destructive Narcisstic Mother/Grandmorther

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Registered: 07-10-2002
Destructive Narcisstic Mother/Grandmorther
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 10:35pm

That is my mother.   And for my entire adulthood I was her chosen scapegoate and in a million ways rejected and betrayed by her.  And her story has always been her great saddness that I was rejecting her.    

Until just recently when  she wrote her memoir ( a narcisstic fantasy based on true events) that was distributed to all members of her family I did not realize the extent of her narcisim, her disconnect from reality, the epth of her contempt for me  or just how destructive it has been on the entire family.   Needless to say this has had a polarizing and confusing affect on the family including my  relationship with my own children who ar all grown now with children of their own.  

    Everyone got a copy of that book but me.   One of my daughter's loaned me a copy so I could read it with the warning it is full of mean things about people.   Well a lot of the mean things were about me.  And one of the things she wrote in the book  was how I kept her grandchildren from her.  OUTRIGHT lie.  It was her all the years that I was a single mother that she wanted nothing to do with me or my children.  UNTIL they left home.  Then she became the loving victim grandmother.  Of all the lies this one makes my blood boil that she would write that in a book those children would see.

I have never really said much or explained much to my children  or even stood up for myself because it has been so sublte and insidious.  But now that her meaness and lies are out there for all to see  I am feeling it is finally time for me say something to at least that daughter and then each one in the right time. 

Any thoughts those of you who understand the dynamics of this malignant narcissism or who have experienced anything like this.  Do I continue to keep my mouth shut or do I let my kids know  the truth that I did not keep them from their grandmother, in fact after my divorce, when I wanted to move to a town I loved choose instead to move closer to "family" so they could have aunts cousins, and grandparents nearby.  They do not know that because they were little children.  They do not know how often I begged my mother to be a part of our lives and her granchildrens lives to be rejected time and time again. 

In her book she also states how  "she  isolates herself from the family"   Is that really what they tell themselves and have been implying to everyone for years?    After years and years of being rejected, betrayed and being the only one reaching out, I eventually just stopped the reaching out and since it was always one way anyway there is no conatact any longer.