Does my Mother hate me?
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|Wed, 02-19-2014 - 1:35pm|
Hi guys, I decided to vent on here because I literally have nowhere else to turn. My Mother and I have always had an up and down kind of relationship, I was always a Daddy's Girl until he met another woman and left 10 years ago. (I'm 31 btw). She and I got closer initially, but over these past few years we have had some absolutely horrific rows! I lived in my own apartment until I lost my job and my Mum agreed that I could live back with her. We got on ok but nothing brilliant. But things started to improve as I found work, I paid half her mortgage and bills, bought my own food, did the cooking, cleaning, put fuel in the car and kept the house in good order. We even went on a few holidays together. In April of last year I entered a relationship, with a man who made me feel like I was living on top of the world, and she hated him. I deliberatly didn't discuss much about my relationship with her as it deepend as I knew she'd be critical (that's her nature). Long story short, the relationship tailed off at the back end of last year (typical man, he "needed space"), so we cooled off, and started again in January. Things just aren't destined to work out between he and I for one reason and another, so we decided to end things today. I put a brave face on it in front of him but I can't deny that I am utterly heartbroken.
My Mum got in from work tonight and found me sobbing my heart out on the sofa. I would have thought that anybodies natural instinct would be to sit down and comfort a person who was crying, hell, I'd comfort a stranger if they were in such an emotional state! What does she do? She picks up the junk mail that came for her today, sits at the end of the sofa that I'm on, and casually starts leafing through it, then starts complaining that the television isn't working!! I was aghast that she could be SO cold towards me, so I got up and left the room. I know this might not sound like a big deal considering all the real things that go on in the world, but this act was just the latest in a long line of actions by my mother, who constantly makes me feel useless, worthless, rejected, and completely unloved/unloveable. Whenever I do well in my life she tries to shoot me down, if I suggest anything, ie-signing up to the gym, or a course she'll point out all the neagtives to the idea, and she absolutely revels in it when I'm upset. What can I do?? I can't afford to move out of her house just yet, and she seems to love lording it over me. I'm not a cold-hearted person at all, and cannot fathom why a mother would treat a daughter in such a way?! Help, I feel totally lost.