Family pushes me away, hard to come back...
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|Sun, 07-20-2014 - 6:55pm|
Hi, Ive written here before but not for a while...
My siblings ( 4 of them ) dont care for me in any way... they are passive aggressive and treat me in an angry way. It started years ago when the youngest brother ( who I was closest in age to and very close with ) got married to a supposedly lovely girl, but things turned sour when she started to complain about me all the time to her new DH ... " Your sister did this, didnt do that, said this, didnt say that" .. all I heard from him was how she was unhappy with me... Meanwhile, all I did was invite them for meals, bbqs, family get togethers, and I did the cooking, shopping, cleaning up all while i had 3 young kids. So after years of being told off that this or that wasnt good enough, I gave up and now do nothing for them anymore and it suits me fine. We dont see them, hear from them or know anything about their lives. My brother and I have had the occasional coffee to catch up and try and make things work out but she isnt interested in persuing any relationship with me or my family and quite honestly, I am over it too. There are no family celebrations or get togethers and no one makes an effort.
The problem is that even though i have no relationship with the younger brother, the other siblings do. They see them on weekends, play with their kids, take them out and all get together. They are all close to each other. I know they say things about me but I havent done anything to them. I was always there when they needed anything, I have hosted many dinners, bbq;s , events and invited them always.
The other problem that I think they dont like me is that I am in a fortunate position financially and socially- my kids are all high achievers, they win awards, they excel in their fields and they are good community citizens. My siblings children are all lovely too, but they dont win awards and prizes like my kids do. In the past I have shared this info ( re; awards/ prizes) with them... most of my friends know my kids and their individual successes and congratulate me for them, but my siblings seemed to act like it doesnt matter. I dont need my siblings recognition about my kids, ( i am well past that) but I find it strange that they dont acknowldge how well their niece or nephews have done..
On top of this, my sister invited me to an afternoon tea at her place knowing that she had invited the other siblings there, and I chose not to attend. I heard that she is really really angry that I didnt turn up and expected me there. Why would I go to an afternoon tea when i am really not wanted?
My siblings act very passive aggressive around me, so I choose not to attend things with them anymore. I feel that
a, my kids are not important to them
b, they dont treat me nicely, often saying sarcastic things to me,
c. they have a tainted view of who i am via the younger brothers bitchy wife
so i choose not to attend family get together and this causes more angst and aggravation from them.
I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and really dont know what to do anymore.
Talking to my mother doesnt help, having it out with siblings doesnt help and talking to a counsellor made no difference.
So what should I do?