"Friend" ignoring us because we don't have kids...yet
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|Mon, 05-05-2014 - 10:14am|
My husband, "Jeff" has known "Don" for close to 20 years. They met when working together. My husband's brother, "David" also became friends with Don during that time. The three of them never lost touch. Don got married first, then David, then, several years later (and several years ago), I married Jeff. We had a destination wedding. Don, his wife & kids even came to our wedding, which we were very grateful for. Don & David each had their first child very quickly into their respective marriages, and a few years prior to Jeff getting married. I'm a bit younger than Jeff, and we chose a different path - we decided to wait a while. I know we can't wait forever, so we'll probably work on it soon, perhaps later this year. I feel as though our choice, one which WE have been content with, has created a great divide between Don & my husband, leaving David in the middle, rather unsure of how to handle.
We recently found out that Don's oldest child had a communion ceremony. David & family were invited, but we weren't. When my husband inquired with David, his awkward reply was that "the communion was all kids." Oh, really? How come when I had my communion, my parents invited family & friends, including several friends who had NO kids?! While I do take offense to not being invited, it's Don's loss. His child received one less gift, and I know we would have given a nice gift. Not being invite to this makes NO sense to me! Don & his family have a summer BBQ every year. Every year we are invited, and for the past few years, every year, it has been "all kids." Prior to hearing about this communion, we had already made the decision not to attend the BBQ because it conflicts with our anniversary. I'm sure that will make Don think we are ignoring them!
I am sure this isn't the first time we weren't invited to something Don & his family have held, but David & family have been invited. About a year ago, my husband sent both an email and text message to Don asking him to go to a concert, something the guys do every summer. Don quickly responded to the text as if he had no idea who it was. Did Don delete my husband's phone number from his directory? Whenever my husband does something with "the guys," I have always reminded him to include Don on on the invite. And he does. And Don has always declined. I wonder if things would be different if the invite came from David...we've never tried that. I don't know if I'll remind my husband about inviting Don anymore.
Overall, I am rather perturbed because I feel Don (and his wife) BOTH simply assume that we don't want/don't like kids. What if we couldn't have kids? They shouldn't make any assumptions about this topic, and it is very "high school" of them to do so. They're ignorant, something I have zero tolerance for. I have a vivid newsflash for both of them - us not wanting/not liking kids couldn't be further from the truth. We treat our nephews like gold, we also treat other kids in our extended family very, very well. If we are lucky enough to have our own child someday, we would treat him or her as the most important human being we know (because they would be). If we have that child someday, will Don suddenly treat US like gold? I'm sorry, I won't be having any of that! If we are getting mistreated now, Don & his wife won't suddenly be our best friends once we have a child. No way, no how. I will put a stop to that - quickly.
How should we go about handling this situation? Should we let things slide only to have David to deal with occasional awkwardness or do we confront Don now to clear the air? With or without kids, we are who we are, and sadly, I don't think Don realizes this.
Your advice will be appreciated.