I feel cheap and let down
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|Tue, 04-29-2014 - 2:51pm|
Recently, my friends and I went to meet some professors of ours as we were travelling to the city we had studied in. One of them was someone I had a crush on and continued to think of on and off. I never acted on those feelings because I knew I was just 20, not old enough, it was just a crush and not serious. I am not American, I'm from a more conservative country. We only encountered each other in class.
Well, we were meeting after over two decades and he sounded warm and thrilled when I called him and asked if we could meet. We had not been in touch since I left college. We met, he was happy and so were we. A few days later, I wrote him a thank you letter and sent him links to my work as well as a Facebook request. It was a brief and formal mail. He wrote a warm letter back but ignored the lines about my work and the FB request. He asked me for a piece of information which I gave him in a very short reply, no thank you to that either so far.
I now feel ashamed because I wonder if he thinks I still have a thing for him - I never told him but he may have guessed. I'm a conservative person, both of us are married, me for 20 years, him for longer, and I honestly am only guilty of wanting to impress him with my work and have him notice me and my work now and then. I know he's not active on FB but he's friends with my friends and a zillion students so I thought he would accept my request immediately, especially since we met. I thought I did things properly. One of our mutual friends who could not come with us wanted a pic of the meeting posted on her FB wall and she tagged him in the photo. I don't know if that put him off for any reason but he's always being tagged in students' photos and he never seems to mind. He even told me he saw our photo on FB.
I wish he had at least commented on my work and made some excuse for not adding me on FB. I know I cannot do anything about what he did or decides to do or how he went about it but I feel insulted. It also feels as if he is trying to put me off him - and he has succeeded. At this moment, I can't even think of him fondly any more and that bothers me a lot.
I'm not someone who puts herself out there, I am usually cowardly, inhibited, but this time I was feeling very optimistic and good, unlike myself, and now I feel totally snubbed and slighted. It seems as if a change of attitude, my willingness to loosen up and believe in people and things, have higher self-esteem, etc did not work out. I would like your advice on how to feel better about this.