Mothers and daughters
Find a Conversation
|Tue, 03-18-2014 - 1:34pm|
I have come to the conclusion that the relationship between mothers and daughters is a complicated one. I AM a daughter plus have 4 of my own (ages 22 - 30). My own mother and I have not always gotten along and I have 2 that push MY buttons. My oldest and youngest I get along fine with...they are like their father (my ex)...don't talk about their feelings and won't speak up, but also remain respectful. My middle 2 I have had more problems with. They are disrespectful to me (talk down to me) and have quit talking to me from time to time when I tell THEM things they don't want to hear, but when THEY say something disrespectful to ME, I'm supposed to take it. I, too, don't like confrontation, so, unfortunately, I DO tend to "take it" and not make waves. My DD28 is getting married in October , lives in NYC and is getting married out east (making it a financial hardship on HER family as we live in the midwest). I know she suffers some guilt in doing so, but her fiancee's family lives on the east coast and that's where they consider "home" which is fine. I've told her I think it's great...she should get married where she wants. We've been getting along fine...very excited about wedding plans over phone calls, but, last night, she called me back after I had called her on Sunday and left a voicemail:
So, I've been calling her "bride" since she got engaged and when I did that yesterday, she was like, "Are you going to call me that from now on?" and I said, "Well, when you get married I'll call you Mrs. X". (laughing while I said it) She then said something like, "Well, I might take his name or I might hyphenate it or something. It's not like YOUR day, Mom." I felt by THAT point that I couldn't say anything right. We went on to talk about her bridal shower which I will have to fly to this summer and she mentioned how she wishes I could bring her younger sisters (who are 26 and 22). I told her I could barely afford it myself and she got all upset saying how I was making her feel guilty for getting married out there, etc...How I always bring up money when we talk about her wedding. Personally, I think her own guilt feelings might be causing this, but don't know. I won't deny it...it's hard right now...my dh has been unemployed since November, so the timing of her wedding along with his unemployment is difficult. I have assured her I will BE THERE for her shower even if I have to charge it on my credit card, but none of her sisters can afford to go. I want her wedding to be everything she ever dreamed of, but yesterday's call just left me feeling badly at how she talked to me. This isn't a first time. She and my third daughter have talked to me like I'M the child and THEY'RE the parent. I guess my question is this: Has anyone else ever had to deal with this from their adult children and how do you handle it? I just let it go, told her I needed to go eat dinner and to keep me updated as to the date of the shower. I might also add that this is my daughter I've had to tell to "lighten up" before. I enjoy joking around and she takes everything so seriously. sigh My dh thinks I shouldn't "take it" and speak up and let her know I don't appreciate being talked down to. Dh thinks I just "take it" because he knows my daughters will quit speaking to me if I speak up which I don't want.
Any advice would be appreciated.