Is my sister going overboard with this or not?
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|Sun, 05-11-2014 - 10:41pm|
I have a sister who is older than me, she is married and live obviously with her husband. I live with my mom and brother and my mom. Our dad passed away 3 months ago. My mom is 78 yrs old my dad was 3 yers younger than my mom. Since my dd passed away of course now we have to watch more my mom and take care of her, I mean my brother an dmy sibling. We have a half sibling but she does not live with us,, she lives on her own with her cousin as her mom passed away many years ago.
The thing is that Im aware that now we have to watch out more my mom, be there for her for anything she needed etc. My mom still works and I don’t see her she is senile now, to say it in a way, she may forget things due to her age, but she is still works, and drives and sometimes she likes to do things on her own and be independent, like grocery shopping, etc even If I tell her let me go with her to help her, she sometimes do not like it, she still run errands on her own and she still walks on her own too,, slowly but she still walks.
For a reason I do not understand my older sister wants me to be with our mom at all time, cause she is alone now, shey may need help and she does not want our mom stay in the house a lone for a long time, if something happen to her while she is alone. I mean my sister pretend as the way I see it, that I cant go out and never leave our mom alone.I mean she is married and of course she cant be or vfisit us that often, she has duties to attend in her own home but since my brother and myself are single ( and not dating anyone either) , we have more time to be with mom and stay with her and not leave her alone. My brothers do go out on the weekends to bars with his friends but I do not go out that often (just rarely), as I do not have that many friends to go out with anyway, even when my dad was alive I was more like a homey lady anyway but now that my dad is not with us, my sister wants me to b e more time at h ome with mom.
My sister always are telling me, do not leave mom unattended, go with her to run errands, help her in anyway you can. I help her in anyway I can sure but my mom is a little stubborn and she still wants to do things by herself, maybe she does not want to feel invalid or something as she still can do things without help.
For instance today, our uncle invited us and other relatives to go to his house to have coffee, my mom went to. Well when the evening approached, people were starting to leave and my my sister took my mom as she wanted to go home, but I stay at my uncles house for a while with my brother and my aunt and a cousin as we were watching some funny videos on the TV . My uncle’s home is just around the corner of my house, I can even walk to his house.
While I was at my uncles house, my sister called me and told me: Do not stay too long, so you do not leave mom alone for a long time,. Then when I finally arrived home, my sister again called and ask to talk to mom, when mom hanged up the phone I asked her what my sister wanted, and mom said, “she wanted to know why you took so long at ur uncle house in order to arrive home”. My mom had to lied to her so she stop questioning me why I took so long to get home. Even my mom told me; What is happening to her, that she is keeping track of you.
She also ask mom something about our brother. I mean I do not know but Im guessing my sister believes Im not capable of taking care of mom so she is keeping track if Im doing things correctly with mom and not leave her unattended for a long time cause now we do not have dad and she is alone in the house or take care really of her, like my mom was a handicapped person.
Lately If I go out and if she calls I tell mom that do not tell her that I went out otherwise she may start questioning why mom is alone cause I went out.
Nest week I wil go to some sport event on a Saturday from very eary in the morning and I return around nite so I wont be home the whole day. I already told mom about the event and told me ok go. But I wont tell my sister anything if she calls that day and ask about me, otherwise im sure my sister will aks me not to go cause I cant leave mom alone the whole day. My brother will be at home that day im sure, and also there is a lady who come to the house everyday to help mom in the kitchen and to do some house chores and she also comes on Saturday until afternoon so is not that my mom will be totally alone that day. I be calling the house of course to let mom during the day know how am I in that trip and also ask about her. And like I said it is only a one day trip I be returning the same day but at night. My brother do go out at night.
My sister is married and Im sure she does her own things with her husband, like go out, take trips and never question her about anything, cause she is with her husband of course, but she does like to ask me as since I have no partner or bf or dating anyone and I live with mom now me and my brother are responsible of our mom as we all live in the house and since she does not live she cant know what is going on in the house we are the ones who do know.
So I cant have a social life cause I have to be with mom 24/7 and my brother can go out with his friends and I cant cause im a woman? This is the assumption that I have of my older sister who is keeping track of my whereabouts and things I do like to check if im doing well my job with mom. or ff mom is well taken care of.
We are all aware that now mom needs us more and we have to help her more in things, but I don’t know if my sister pretends b y doing that means we have to cut some part of our social life cause we need to be with her and check that nothing will happen when she is alone at home, in some part my mom Is not senile, and she still do things on her own, like take a shower, drive, works, even cooks at time, run errands. Although we have told mom that do not drive at nite if possible as it may be more dangerous but she is aware of that.
Next week on Friday after work I was invited to have some drinks to celebrate an acquaintance bday´s and I intend to go, I bet my sister will call my mom to ask how is she in the day and by default she will ask about me.