New Neighbors!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2002
New Neighbors!
Thu, 06-19-2014 - 10:06pm

New couple moves in next door. She's obviously a performer and sings/practices musical theatre at the top of her lungs. After a couple of days of this, she is now gone all the time, and he is alone and home a lot.

He begins doing little 3 syllable whistles when he walks past my door (I'm a freelancer, quiet, private)---sort of like a cockatoo or something. The kind of whistle a street harasser does. Very disrespectful.

He also lingers in front of his front door a lot, right in front of mine. And he laughs loudly in this kind of fake, maniacal way in his apartment.

What the hell? Why can't people leave their neighbors alone? Doesn't look like the cocky bully type (nerdy and short), but does seem cocky. This guy is married or whatever, what's his problem, or has he got "tourettes in front of neighbor's door syndrome"?

I'm wondering if everybody who moves to NYC lacks manners? That's not normal, civil behavior. I feel invaded. Can't take NYC anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 06-20-2014 - 8:52am

Has it occurred to you that perhaps NYC is not for you?  Just a while ago you complained about a narcissistic neighbor.  (And by the way, narcissistic personality disorder is listed in DSM-IV with some rather specific diagnostic criteria.  It seems like lately a lot of people on Love and Sex boards use this term to describe in essence a selfish and/or self-centered person.  Maybe people just like to use big words).  Now you are having issues with the new couple.

I understand some people need their privacy and solitude.  Unless you are the sole occupant of a gigantic brownstone or some exlusive co-op, however, most ordinary people in NYC live in crammed apartments with thin walls.  NYC also has its fair share of eccentric people - which gives the city its unique energy that many people love.

The way I look at it, if you get along with most occupants of your building but have problem with one particular neighbor, then most likely that particular neighbor is the problem.  But if the majority of occupants in your building seem to get along fine and you have problems with multiple neighbors, then most likely you are not a good fit for that building/neighborhood.  Maybe you should start thinking about moving to a different building, or city.

You appear to have a vivid imagination and tend to make conjectures without really knowing others.  I don't think your neighbors are rude or disrespectful.  People have quirks and bad habits, unfortunately when crammed in tight quarters, it is not unusual for you to feel like everything is directed at you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-20-2014 - 10:47am

Seriously I think you need to move to a cabin in remote Maine or something where you will have no neighbors.  I can understand being annoyed if your neighbor is loudly singing or playing music esp. if it's late at night, but if your neighbor is standing in the hallway outside of his door how does that bother you?  Are you looking out your door's peephole, otherwise how would you even know?  Maybe he is laughing loudly inside his own apt. because he is watching a funny TV show--I'm sure it has nothing to do with you.  I also think that the problem is that you are home alone all day doing your freelance work.  Most people who have a job where they are away from home at least 40 hours a week and then have errands to do and go out at night, etc. really aren't home long enough (when they aren't sleeping) to be so concerned with their neighbors.  I haven't lived in an apt. building for a long time but as long as people aren't playing loud music or having late night parties I would be happy.  Even in a house, my next door neighbor's back yard deck happens to face my bedroom.  Occasionally they will have parties outside that could last late at night and be noisy but since they are generally good neighbors, I would just put up with it.  This new neighbor is really not doing anything TO YOU.  I agree that you would probably be happier in a place other than NYC where you can have more privacy and quiet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Fri, 06-20-2014 - 12:29pm

While I love visiting NYC, and worked in NYC for many years, I know I could never live there due to people being in such close proximity and the constant din.  I feel very energized when I'm there, but am always happy to go home to quiet suburbia.  I'm sure some can find quiet places amidst the chaos, but you'd have to be very high up and on your own floor!  :)  The common denominator in the scenarios you have posted is you, and the only thing you can change is you.  Good luck.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 06-20-2014 - 5:20pm

Yea, clearly living in such close proximity to others is not working for you.  Let's face it, regardless of what town you are in, close proximity is close proximity.  Period.  

No one is right or wrong here, just different.  This isn't working for you, so I hope you are able to find a situation that better fits your lifestyle.  


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2002
Mon, 06-23-2014 - 7:06pm

The fact is, I expect a normal leve of politeness and for some reason this building has been full of obnoxious people.  Well for one thing, almost all the apartments are sublets and people only come here on a short term basis---a month, 2 months, 2 weeks, etc.

I have lived in regular apartment buildings in NYC and the people were much more polite. Ok, I grew up in huge houses, we were wealthy, a completely different standard of living.  Now I'm stuck in a narrow studio. That may have something to do with it. Not too happy with the vast downgrade--but I just have to go back up again somehow, that's all.

I'm half British and have lived some of the time in London, and politeness is usually more common there.  There are some very decent polite people in America too---those are the classy ones.  I've realized on recent observation that these 2 next door are pretty rough---that explains it.

Politeness is normal, I'm sorry. Rudeness is not normal. Rudeness is for chavs.  I express my concerns on message boards because that's what the hell they're for anyway.

I have lived (lately) in small studios in London, and never had any problems with neighbors. They're not so much into "expressing themselves".  As I said, there are some wonderful, kind, classy people in America (if you're lucky enough to encounter them), but good old US individualism has, for some, reached the point of naval gazing so much so that they have no interest in or respect for others. And every kid is told how great they are no matter how bratty their behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2014
Wed, 06-25-2014 - 12:12pm

The thing about NYC is that it is an extremely crowded place and you run into all kinds of people, icluding the rude and entitled.  If you're in a nice building you usually tend to have neighbors who are well behaved. In a lower rent type of building, especially a building where most apartments are sublet/temporary, you may occasionally find people who are less well behaved, perhaps in part due to the fact that NYC can sometimes be ego central, and also, short term renters don't have a stake in getting along with their neighbors (which is one reason why NYC tenants don't like lanlords renting apartments short term to travelers and tourists).

And unfortunately, if you are used to a higher standard of living and lose a lot of money, you will not only have to deal with a new, more humble lifestyle, you may also have to deal with attitudes you're not used to. C'est la vie. Best to focus of your goals and on the positive. Use every problem as a springboard for growth and as an opportunity to become more motivated to use your full potential.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 07-02-2014 - 8:34am
Two suggestions--no, three--that may be helpful: 1. Buy some ear thingies of the sort people wear to mow the lawn--I use those when my family is making noise and I'm trying to work. 2. Get to know your neighbors. When you know them, you will be much more tolerant of Jim laughing on the phone outside his apartment door because he can't get any bars inside, or of Lucy belting out Gershwin to prepare for her next audition. 3. Leave the apartment for a couple of hours every day. Mix with people. Go to the gym or to the library. When you are alone all day inside your work nest, people living ordinary lives outside your door seem almost to be assaulting you. I remember this clearly from when I worked at home--you develop a very thin skin, and have a harder time getting along.