One annoying friend in the group (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
One annoying friend in the group (long)
2
Mon, 07-07-2014 - 2:58pm

I have a group of nice single women friends--we are middle aged and on weekends we like to go out together to dance, movies, out to eat, etc.  All of the women are really nice but there is one who is just getting on my nerves.  I can deal with the fact that she has ADD so she's kind of hyperactive but lately she is really getting on my nerves.  For ex, I have noticed that she has problems with ordering food in restaurants and now I'm really wondering if she purposely does this to try to get free food!  We were out to dinner with 10 people for someone's birthday.  At the end of the meal, the waiter had served cake and some people at one end of the table ordered capuccino, and she ordered coffee, but the waiter got distracted and didn't bring her coffee--then she changed her seat and when she got up in a huff to tell the waiter about the coffee, he pointed out that he had put the cup at the seat she was at before.  She caused such a stink that the waiter took his tip off the bill (for a large party they had just added it)--when I was collecting the money, I said that it was not fair that he shouldn't get his tip, which was $80 and we still gave it to him.  

Another time, which might have been legit, she said that she had an allergic reaction to the fish she was eating.  She is allergic to shellfish, which she had said, but this was not shellfish and the manager assured her that it was cooked separately, etc.  She did seem to be having trouble breathing because she has asthma but she had an inhaler and Benadryl.  That time she just requested a salad (and at the potato and veg) and she ended up getting her whole dinner free.  Just last night we had a very nice dinner and she had a tiny piece of what looked like something from a plastic wrapper in her dish--we just told her to put it aside and eat the food, which she did but she had to tell the waitress, who gave us a piece of cake to share.  So I am beginning to see a pattern here.  I really think she doesn't have class.  Oh also yesterday we were eating at a restaurant that was on the waterfront, a really nice place, and they have a live band and dancing outside in the afternoon.  It was a small dance floor.  So there was a drunk guy there who I believe did step on her foot--Well she (who weighs all of 90 lbs) gave him such a big push that it knocked him into someone else.  I was really shocked--he could have turned from a happy drunk into an angry drunk or he could have fallen on someone else.  It was really unnecessary to push him so hard but she was happy about it.

so the problem (which my son tells me is like high school) is that it's hard to exclude her from things.  It's fine if I call just one person and we go somewhere and don't ask her.  But if it's a group event it's very hard to exclude her.  either she will call and say "what is everyone doing on Sat.?" or someone else will plan something and invite her so then if I don't want to be with her, I also wouldn't be with the friends that I like. :(

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 07-11-2014 - 1:53pm

Boy, this is a tough one.  :(

I think you are right that some of the shinanagans have merit, and some don't, so that makes it hard to know where the line gets crossed with appropriateness.  I mean sure, it is okay to point out a error at a restaurant, but when it happens over and over I would also be skeptical.  

I am curious........is like this with AND without alcohol?

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-11-2014 - 3:15pm

She is not a big drinker--only one glass of wine usually.  So we can't blame it on that.