Venting

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2006
Venting
1
Mon, 04-21-2014 - 4:19pm

I don't know why I bother dealing with my family of origin. Just as I thought things were going well, boom, something happens, and then I realize why we are not close. With the recent Easter weekend behind us, I just saw a photo of my sister's kids at my mom's house. Some background info: everyone lives in different states. My sister and her family of creation flew to Seattle to visit her in-laws and on the way back she stopped to visit our parents in Illinois. The problem I have is that my mom called me last Thursday and didn't bother to tell me that my sister and her kids were going to visit. It's not the first time where I find out something they do after the fact. Last time they did something like this was around Mother's Day. My mom initially was going to come visit me for my birthday but didn't follow through and instead goes to see my sister. I find out from posted photos later and I confronted them. I think they were sorry they got caught and not sorry for not including me or even letting me know about the get together.

Anyway, I confronted my mother about this. The first thing in the phone call this afternoon was the mentioning the kids' visit. She made it sound like that my sister didn't decide until a week ago. When I said that she knew that my sister was visiting as recent as last Thursday, my mom got angry and the rest of the argument devolved into hanging up on each other.

I mean why couldn't my mom just casually say that my sister was going to visit or even extend an invite even though it would have been last minute. No she has to act like this behind my back and accuses me of being the troublemaker. She said that it's not that she doesn't want to include my kids but yet her call on Thursday was to let me know that she found the missing 5 x 7 photo of my older son in my dad's office. (This was from another issue where she prominently displays photos of my sister's kids and has little photos of mine. She initially denied that I never gave her the 5 x 7 photo of my older son.)

I should know better that they aren't going to change no matter whether I have my kids or whatever good circumstances come my way. She will always favor my sister and her family over me and my family.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
In reply to: jeango7696
Wed, 04-23-2014 - 12:58pm

Why aren't you just as upset at your sister? She could have told you her plans, too. I don't really see the need for you to know everything if you all live in separate states and you had no Easter plans with either of them anyway. I do think it's reasonable to feel hurt if your mom skipped celebrating your birthday with you because she ended up seeing your sister and didn't tell you of the change in plans before you found them out after the fact--that's rude from a friend, but from your mom, I think it's even worse.

I get the feeling that this idea that your mom favors your sister is decades in the making, and without knowing your history, it's difficult for me to understand how you might better manage this feeling you have. However, if you still are willing to try to change the feeling you have, you might want to start planning holiday get togethers at your house and invite both your mom and your sister.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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