Advice from those of you successful in love

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Advice from those of you successful in love
10
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 6:23pm

I've been divorced for 16 years after 10 years married.

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 7:01pm

Welcome to the board!

Please take the following with a grain of salt because I have not dealt with anyone like you are describing and my blood pressure rises just from reading about it!

I'm not sure that in your position, I could continue to be patient and persistent with this man. I would tell him in no uncertain terms that the way he is treating you is unacceptable. You have to respect yourself enough to demand respect from the person you are choosing to share your life with. To accept anything less is giving him a clear message that you will continue to accept his poor way of dealing with uncomfortable situations.

Then I would delete his email and block his cellphone number because I would not want to be lured back in when he feels like making another attempt at contact.

Frankly, I think you are being used and I think it is sad that you are allowing yourself to be treated in this manner.

I hope you will find a way to stand up for yourself and continue to seek out someone who shares your values and interests and who isn't afraid to spend quality time with you and work through issues rather than hide from them.

You might also consider counseling to help you deal with the aftermath of this relationship because I would imagine it could adversely affect your future relationships.

RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2005
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 7:44pm

I'm not certain if i'm the best person to give advice, as I'm not married (yet) but I have been with my highschool sweetheart since I was 16. We've been best friends since the day we met, so i guess that's as close as it gets to "happily married". That said...

I truly think that what your man is putting you through is highly questionable. I've no proof that i've been cheated on (by my first boyfriend, whom broke up with me before DH and i got together) but I do believe wholeheartedly that I have been. My boyfriend at the time woul not call for a week, which made me wonder if he was even interested. you see, the point of this rambling is that i believe that you're the "other woman" and that, maybe he's not really divorced or broken up or whatever. When things get too personal, he withdraws and won't communicate with you.

That's my conclusion, and my "husband" agrees with me. he's been cheated on before and had proof. despite the fact that he'd broken up with

enter siggy here

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 8:10pm

Welcome to the board :)

Honestly I am not sure of what to say ..
In your position I don't think I could deal with this man of yours.
Sounds more like he gets what he wants, sees you when he wants & then like you say disappears.
You say you have been together for 7 months .. how much of that has he been gone?
One point you say he disappeared for two so then you really haven't been together all that time
What does he do when he disappears ?




Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 8:11pm

Nice to see you here ,
Thanks for your input & hope we'll see you here again :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 12:07am

Thank you to each of you for taking time to respond.

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 12:16am
Marina90292 wrote:

Thank you to each of you for taking time to respond.




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 1:06am

Hi again.

Well, it's now been 8 hours since I wrote him that loving, kind, respectful email. I know he's still up, and I know he would have read it by now.

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 9:28am

I'm so sorry ,
But yes being alone for now is better than being jerked around by this guy
YOu are worthy .. good enough
Hope you can do your best & do let go
We're always here for you :)




Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 10:31am

It's too bad that there are guys out there who are willing to take advantage of your vulnerablities, whether they are doing it on purpose or not.

I hope that you can find the strength to develop some of your own interests. Take a cooking class. Learn photography. Anything to get you out there and doing things. Who knows...you may meet an eligible man at one of these events and find someone that you can share that interest with.

Hang in there and remind yourself that you are standing strong for *you*. He doesn't deserve you and has proven time and again that he's a less than. As one of my online friends has said...when someone tells you (shows you) that they're not good enough for you, believe them.

{{{Hugs}}}

RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 1:37pm

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