Am I being unreasonable?

Avatar for mrosie
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Registered: 03-23-2000
Am I being unreasonable?
9
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 10:32am

For many years, Friday night has been the night that DH and I set aside as "ours". Not that we don't spend time together most evenings but since it's not a work night, we stay up later and usually make something special for dinner (lately it's been homemade pizza) and watch a movie. There have been exceptions. Once in awhile we'll be invited to go out or one of us will make plans with friends but it's always been an isolated incident and we always comment that we missed our regular Friday night relaxing together.

DH plays Dungeons and Dragons with a group of local guys. Their usual game has moved around some but has been settled on Thursday nights for quite some time. It actually worked out well once I got used to it. When I have Friday off, I'd stay up and wait for him. Otherwise I'd go to bed and he'd wake me up to say goodnight when he got home. I would do my own thing for dinner, watch a chick flick or my TV shows, etc. If friends wanted to get together, I'd lean them toward Thursdays, if at all possible, so DH and I weren't missing out on time together.

Now his game group has proposed moving the game to Friday nights. It seems there's no other time during the week or weekends that they can all gather. Right away when he mentioned it, I told him that I'd prefer if he told them he weren't available that night.

He's okay with that. They are meeting tomorrow to discuss options and he said it's possible that they'll have the game on Friday night anyway and he just won't be able to join them.

Now I feel like maybe I'm being unreasonable. I think he really wants to avoid Friday night, too, but I hate to be a factor in keeping him from something he enjoys. I suppose a possible compromise would be if he played every other week or once a month or something.

What do you ladies think?

RoseAnn

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Registered: 10-23-2007
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 10:57am
D&D? Kill me now. I see your DH is a gamer as well. DH has his game nights on Wednesdays and has for quiet some time; well actually it used to be Mondays. Anyways, I feel like what you wrote could have come from me. I think it's great you have YOUR night.

I don't see anything wrong with him saying to his group "Friday nights don't work for me." They are having a discussion so I feel like he should just be upfront. Friday nights ARE your nights after all. If everyone else in the group is good with Friday nights, you could either switch to having Saturday be YOUR day/night or DH could find a different group to join. I say Saturday not knowing your work schedule and whether your weekends are in deed Saturday/Sunday. However if Friday nights are the only night you two have off together, I would be really irritated and would say you aren't being unreasonable. That would leave you with no 'alone' time/date time.
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Registered: 01-07-2008
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 11:20am

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Avatar for mrosie
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Registered: 03-23-2000
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 12:45pm

I made the comment about him finding another group and I think he's considered that. He just has found that it's tricky to find people whose personalities and playing styles match his.

We have Saturday/Sunday off and could have Saturday as our special night. And Friday isn't the only night we have together. We're together all week; you'd think we'd want a break. LOL It's just that Friday has developed into a more relaxed "exhale" at the end of the week and we like to share it together. ;)

Thanks for your input! It's nice to know I'm not the only D&D widow out there. I tease DH that the demographic of D&D players are a) 16-20 and b) 38-60 beause in between those ages, men are actually interested in women. ;)

RoseAnn

Avatar for mrosie
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Registered: 03-23-2000
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 12:48pm

Thanks for your input, Robyn!

You're right that we each need time away from our spouse.

It's funny because I moped a little when he first set this up but then I realized that I really liked having an evening to myself! And I will probably adapt if it's Friday instead of Thursday.

I suggested the compromise of him going every other week or once a month and haven't heard back from him yet.

RoseAnn

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Registered: 10-23-2007
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 1:41pm
LOL @ your last comment. Yes! Everyone in DH's group is between 18-22. He's a good 10-14 years older than them.

I know what you mean about exhaling...I'm learning to enjoy that time more and more as work gets rough. DH and I don't spend much time apart either except for the one night. I get a little sad when his group starts up and I was surprised at how I responded last night. I didn't push him out the door or anything but it was 'Ohh, I can cruise my MB's, drink some tea and watch some trashy TV!"

I'm sure you two will figure something out!
Avatar for hugss
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Registered: 09-25-2010
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 5:22pm

Sorry I am late in replying RoseAnn,
Looks like the ladies have shared some good ideas though.
I do like the every other Friday night if it has to be.
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all really.
Let us know the outcome when you find out :)




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Registered: 01-07-2008
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 10:19am

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Avatar for msally99
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 4:08pm

>>> And Friday isn't the only night we have together. We're together all week; you'd think we'd want a break. <<<

I know exactly what you mean, RoseAnn - I'm the same way! I'll tell DH, "Let's have a date this weekend." And he's like, "We have a date every night!" But there's something about saying, "This is a date night," even if all we do is the same things we do other nights, like cook dinner and watch a movie.

It's an important way to connect with DH, and I don't think you're unreasonable at all to want to keep that night if you can.

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Registered: 06-14-2007
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 4:48pm

RoseAnn,

I think you got a lot good input. And you don't seem unreasonable to me at all. Everyone basically said what I was going to say. I agree with just changing it. We don't have a night to ourselves because we never know what nights he'll be home so we just wing it. So can't really help you with that! LOL