Chores

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Chores
21
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 12:47pm

Yesterday, a storm was brewing. I get tired of spending my weekends bustling around taking care of household things while DH putters the day away on the computer. Just before dinner, he declared "I'm bored" and I snapped.

I have proposed that, after we return from this weekend's trip, we keep track of the chores we're doing and see what we can do to even things up. He keeps telling me that he'll help if I'll just tell him what needs to be done. Am I the only one who notices when the bathrooms are dirty or realizes that we're out of clean clothes? I did 7 loads of laundry yesterday and folded all but the last load because by that point I was angry so I left a few items for him to fold himself.

I pointed out to him that it's not helpful to me if he says he'll do something and it never gets done. I've tried to be better about not expecting him to jump right to it on my timetable but his philosophy appears to be "put it off until it no longer needs to be done or DW gets around to it...and it no longer needs done". >:-/

I also don't think he's counting things like feeding the dogs because it doesn't take much time but someone has to do it and 9 1/2 times out of 10, it's me!

Just needed to vent some.

RoseAnn

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
In reply to: mrosie
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 1:10pm
Oh I get what you are feeling and it IS so frustrating. DH's friend and his wife had a chore chart on their fridge and I thought it was weird. Now I do get it and think it would be a good idea but for some reason I am hesitant to do one because (even though I do most of the stuff around the house) I'm afraid/scared that I'll be stuck with some responsibility. It does not make sense but that is why I don't want a chart.

DH is similar. I don't get why they can't see the trash flowing over the top; why can't they see the sink is full. I mean these are extreme conditions, ya know? You'd think the extreme would open some eyes. DH wants to be told too and that frustrates me. I hate to nag but he doesn't mind it. I can go for a bit and not let the weight of what I do bother me but then out of the blue it weighs on me tremendously and then I get frustrated. But since we've had the house, I do what I can do and it hasn't reached the boiling point yet.

I don't think you are but I wouldn't try to do tit for tat but instead come up with a list of everything (things like feeding the dog that some wouldn't think of) and go from there.
Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
In reply to: mrosie
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 1:20pm

When we've had this discussion in the past, it always comes up that "well, you like feeding the dogs/paying the bills" or "you don't like the way I do it". While there is some truth to both those statements, it still doesn't seem fair that I have to take on more than "my share". And you're absolutely right about not doing tit for tat but the "I'm bored" statement after I'd been busy most of the day really irked me!

RoseAnn

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to: mrosie
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 2:07pm

Understand how you must feel RoseAnn,
I remember when I worked full time along with DH ..
I have to admit he was pretty good though.
You guys need to sit down & talk again maybe ..
Like you said doesn't need to be on your timetable so to speak but within a reasonable time frame.
That way it gets done & he is helping as he should.
You shouldn't have to do it all since you both work full time.
maybe you can let things go til he notices or says something ?
Although betting you can't do that :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
In reply to: mrosie
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 4:48pm
Oh gosh. I tried that once. Who ended up doing the piles of dishes in the end? Yeah, me. And let me tell you how much fun it was, LOL. It's a genius idea if it works properly.

This reminds me of the mom who went on strike with her family. I didn't watch the whole episode but I can see the mom on the roof in a tent but why would you have a tent on a roof? Especially if it's angled. The ground I can understand. Maybe it was a tent on the front lawn!! She had signs that passerby's saw saying she was on strike.

Some couples just hire a house cleaner to solve their problems. It costs money but everyone ends up happy in the end. And hey it works for them. That's one thing I have on DH. He doesn't want people coming in to our home. Well either help out or I am hiring some random woman to come to our house. LOL. I haven't used that yet and I don't feel anywhere near that point but it's in the ol' arsenal if I should ever need it. I was *this* close to actually using it before we moved.
Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to: mrosie
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 5:03pm

LOL Sunny,
OK so maybe that is not a good idea ..
I probably couldn't last long to let that all happen anyways

Never saw the show but it sounds cute, LOL
Am sure there were plenty of times I wanted to go on strike when my kids were little.
Yes tent on the lawn sounds much better than on a roof ::gasp::

The house keeper is a terrific idea if one




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2001
In reply to: mrosie
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 7:31am
I have a house cleaner but it really doesn't solve the problem as they aren't there to do the everyday grind of chores. the big cleaning yes, but not the laundry, folding , putting it away, dishes, dishwasher, feeding pets, sweeping the terrace, cleaning the garage or the car,,

I am lucky and have a dh who works all day and helps all night. He gets up before I do and has the dishwasher emptied and dishes put away and my tea made on the the counter by the time I get downstairs. He thanks me everytime he steps in the house and it's been cleaned or I've done laundry etc. I'm really lucky. Having said that, he throws his socks next to the hamper and not in it... go figure.

I would just make a list or things you 'd like him to do by himself and explain that you don't want to become a nag.... you can become one, but don't want to.

Actually I think she should have gone on strike and made her dh live outside. It is he that wasn#t helping not her so why since she's doing it all anyway, should she have to have moved to the roof or where ever.. I didn't see that show... but think she went about it the wrong way LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2001
In reply to: mrosie
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 7:32am
Hi Rosie, I replied to you and Sunny in the same box down there somewhere,,, there is no reply to "All" anymore.... unfortunately...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
In reply to: mrosie
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 3:01pm

We have a chore day, when we do the laundry, we do the cleaning and everything like that.

It is a set day every week so we dont get a mountain of stuff to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
In reply to: mrosie
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 5:13pm

My husband is OCD and is the one that is more aware of how clean things are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2001
In reply to: mrosie
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 10:46am
Sounds like you have an excellent arrangement. I really am impressed that you get the kids to help, which actually is important. I too taught my ds how do pick up and do chores and later on to cook and do laundry and iron,, as I thought it might someday help him.

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