Cuddling without sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Cuddling without sex?
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 12:42pm

Every time my hub and I are french kissing or cuddling for more than 30 seconds, he wants to go all the way and have sex. Is this true for the others on the board? It's like this ALL the time with us. Curious if other couples just sit and kiss eachother for 10 minutes or so without any clothes coming off..the way it is when you first start dating and




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 9:28pm
Hi Shri,
Welcome to the board :)

How long have you & DH been married?
Well I think yes it should be possible to just cuddle & kiss.
Course we've been married forever ::blush::
Have you talked about this with your DH ?
Shared your thoughts & feelings about this ?
Let's see what others have to say so do check back :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 1:56am
Yes, it is true that you can cuddle and kiss without having sex. How old is your husband? How experienced is he? Sometimes men in their 20s think that just because they kiss their wives or touch them in an intimate way it means that they have to have sex. They get sexually turned on and feel that that should lead to sex. They haven't learned how to streamline those sexual feelings into something else. Inexperienced men think along those lines as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2001
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 3:03pm

H Shari,

Yes I think it's very nice to

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 6:49am

Have you guys talked about this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 9:47am
k, so, if u dont want to have sex...dont kiss him, cos you know what happens when u jump out the fying pan, is always into da fire...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 9:52am

Nope nothing wrong here, if you have been married for a short while, which I dont know if you have or not, there is the so called bunny state and after that you glid towards more the sloth or whale state.

Anyway, lets repeat what everyone else has said, voice your opinion to your husband and have a talk, that is the only way to work it out.

I am right now at the bunny state, tomorrow we have been married for 1 month and well these are the first 2 weeks together, so yes, cuddling leads to more then just cuddles.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 2:11pm

My DH and I go so far as to get buck nekkid and cuddle and kiss in bed and still dont have sex. For us, thats normal and makes us happy etc...

The key is communication. Talk to him. Tell him that while the sex is awesome sometimes what you want/need is just cuddling.

Theres no such thing as wrong in this case either...its about figuring out whats right in your marriage for the two of you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 2:25pm
Personally in my marriage, my husband and I don't go all the way when we're kissing. It's only really if I want to initiate the sex that it happens that way. We've done the cuddling and kissing, but I think with our libidos it usually ends in sex. I guess it just depends on your sex drive.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 11:49am

First off, I'd like to ask, why you think something is wrong? Is it just what you described, or something else your thinking of? Some men, well lots of men, have a very high sex drive, which is not abnormal. I don't think what your describing, is necessarily "abnormal", it sounds like you have to talk to him about this. Tell him how you feel, and what you need.

Yes, my Husband and I cuddle every night, but do not have sex every night. We always fall asleep cuddling. I love it, but we do have a healthy sex life as well. I think a healthy balance is what you need. My Husband and I do have a lot of moments where we just kiss, and as I said, fall asleep cuddling every night.

I also want to say that everyone's sex life is different. If you need some kissing and cuddling, you need to tell him that. He may see your advances as "time to go!" You know what I mean? How old are you? I'm curious, because sometimes younger men, have a very high sex drive. I'm not saying that older ones don't, in my opinion though younger men, do have a huge sex drive. Is he inexperienced also? That could be part of it.

Bottom line you need to talk to him, no matter how uncomfortable, it may be. You need to be happy in you sexuality. Happy with your partner. You both have to be satisfied. Not just him. I think most couples that have conversations about what they need sexually, ate much more satisfied. My Husband and i talk very openly about sex. It's no different than every other conversation you need to have your marriage. Just be open. Also, you have to be careful not to bruise his ego. Make sure you mention, that sex is great ( if it is ) and then talk about the other needs you have.

That would be my advice, I've had to tell my Husband, "hey, this doesn't work for me in the bedroom". Men want to please you, so they want to know what's right, and what's not. I want to add, after reading some other post's, that we are newlyweds. We got married in September 2009.

Good Luck!

* Robyn *

Edited 6/22/2010 11:56 am ET by soontobemrs.beau
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 6:24pm

Thanks you guys. I've been drinking a little so I don't want to say too much right now, but I'll return later. I have talked to him about this. Over and over, even when I didn't feel like I should. He IS inexperienced..A lot of you think that could contribute so maybe that's adding to the problem. He also has a very HIGH sex drive. I suppose that contributes, too.

I just wanted to know if it's like this with most happy couples, but apparently not, judging by the posts here. Sometimes I'm afraid it means he loves the sex but not me so much, but there could be other reasons I suppose.