dealing with a crappy friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
dealing with a crappy friend
10
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 8:46am

Ok maybe I should not say crappy but I'll let you be the judge. For now my marriage is awesome (8 months of marriage), we spend lot of time together, affection and everything else is there. We do have little fights sometimes, maybe every 2 -3 months we would have an argument but usually we talk it out. It's a good thing that my husband is not

Avatar for mrosie
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Registered: 03-23-2000
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 9:54am

In general, I think your DH needs to be the one who confronts his friend. If plans are made that don't work with your schedule, your DH should explain things to his friend.

It sounds like there might be enough here for them to sit down and have a serious talk. DH may not want to issue an ultimatum but if his friend isn't supportive of you and your relationship, it may be time to let that friendship fade for now.

He also may need a frank request not to inquire about pregnancy or TTC since it is an understandably sensitive subject for you.

If his friend directly confronts you about something, I would try your best to remain calm but answer in an honest manner. For instance, on the smoking issue, you might say that you appreciate how much your husband values his own health and that of his family (you!) and that you fully support his efforts to better himself.

Good luck!

RoseAnn

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Registered: 10-17-2010
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 11:21am

Thanks for your reply.

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Registered: 09-25-2010
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 2:13pm

Sorry to hear this & this situation,
I do agree with RoseAnn & think your DH needs to talk to this guy quite seriously ..
Otherwise I would imagine he will keep doing this.
The fact is your DH is not single .. if this other guy wants to act like that so be it.
While he is your DH's friend .. this friend should not be putting your DH in any of these sticky situations.
Good luck & let us know what happens ;)




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Registered: 10-17-2010
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 3:44pm

Interestingly enough, today my husband came home from and told me this friend send him a SMS that he is organizing a night out with MEN ONLY. They are going to dinner and after maybe to a bar or dancing. My husband asked me if it's ok that he goes. I off course said yes because he almost never goes with his friends and I have an option to go out that night as well. So my husband called his friend in front of me to confirm that he will go, so he just asked who else is going. His friend listed maybe 7 names of all

Avatar for mrosie
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Registered: 03-23-2000
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 5:00pm

Well, at the very least, you obviously don't want to be taking relationship advice from this guy. He doesn't sound like a very good example! LOL

DH and I have been married almost 16 years and have continued to discover that we both need time to ourselves. Sometimes that means we both go out with friends separately or sometimes one of us will go out and the other will stay home and hold down the fort. ;)

Curious: what are the other guys in this group like? If they're all trying to act like free-wheeling singles, that's one thing but if he's the only one, it's probably less of an issue.

RoseAnn

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 6:28pm
sunnysideupinrome wrote:

Interestingly enough, today my husband came home from and told me this friend send him a SMS that he is organizing a night out with MEN ONLY. They are going to dinner and after maybe to a bar or dancing. My husband asked me if it's ok that he goes. I off course said yes because he almost never goes with his friends and I have an option to go out that night as well. So my husband called his friend in front of me to confirm that he will go, so he just asked who else is going. His friend listed maybe 7 names of all




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 12:56am

I think most men who are going have girlfriends and then there are couple who are single. I don't think the rest of them are like that, at least not in front of me. Rest of his friends, including the single ones, are nothing but respectful and support our marriage,. Quite often they actually take my side in discussions so it's very interesting.

But I do agree it is normal to spend time apart and that's not the problem, it's just the way his friend goes around it and tries to test my husband to see who is going to choose.

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 1:00am
sunnysideupinrome wrote:

I think most men who are going have girlfriends and then there are couple who are single. I don't think the rest of them are like that, at least not in front of me. Rest of his friends, including the single ones, are nothing but respectful and support our marriage,. Quite often they actually take my side in discussions so it's very interesting.

But I do agree it is normal to spend time apart and that's not the problem, it's just the way his friend goes around it and tries to test my husband to see who is going to choose.


I agree about having some time with friends,
However am not in favor of this particular friend to pretend he is single when he has a GF :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 4:02am

I spoke to my husband briefly about it last night just because he was telling me about this dinner coming up. He said that his friend has never cheated on his girlfriend and that he is all talk. I still think it is terrible to say things like you he wants to have sex with another girl and then laughs and says he is joking. But anyways my husband says that he was always like that and he just likes to talk but never really does anything. However, DH agreed that he will say something if he says any rude comments towards me in the future so we will see what happens.

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 8:50am
Hard to believe he is all talk like that,
However I still find it offensive if you know what I mean.
Glad your dH will be talking to hi8m though :)