Demanding an apology from DH

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2011
Demanding an apology from DH
9
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 4:32pm

Hei everyone! I am new to posting but have always read other comments and contributions. There is something that i can not get past. DH owes an apology(ies) on a few things but he pretends like he does not. I told him that i am waiting a good apology so that we can get past that situation that happened. Am i wrong to demand for an apology when he and i know that he was in the wrong? I am serious on and stuck on my guns about this.

Thanks

Esther

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 6:50pm

Two key questions here:1)What did he do that was wrong? 2)How has he acknowledged it was wrong without giving you what you felt was a sufficient

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 7:11pm
Hmm...it is my philosophy that you can't demand an apology from anyone in any of your r/ships. If someone is truly sorry than they will express that. If they not, then they *might* express regret for getting found out or for forgiveness...but I don't consider those true apologies.

My DH will apologize right away if he knows he is "wrong". But I will be more stubborn. I hate to be wrong. But if my DH feels he needs it, he will say to me "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy"...and I know the answer every time. I will also apologize bc even if I don't truly think I did anything "wrong" - I do feel sorry and regretful for upsetting or hurting the one I love. And he can take that apology w/o asking for more.

So you can't really demand an apology. You can ask for what you need and hope that he responds.

GL,

Dee
Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 1:08pm

I agree with passion8te...you can't really demand an apology and expect that it is going to be sincere.

Have the two of you talked about whatever happened that upset you? If he acknowledges his actions and has made efforts not to repeat them, that may be more important than an official apology.

It's also not a good precedent to be "saving up" things that have upset you and expect an exact tally of how he's made things right. All relationships are going to include misunderstandings and missteps but you can't hold onto things because it's not healthy for you or the relationship. You need to either deal with things when they happen or be willing to let them go and consider them the past.

RoseAnn

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 5:42pm
Welcome to the board ;)

I do agree with the others in that one can't demand an apology,
That being said perhaps talking with him about whatever it is he has done would help.
An *I'm sorry* has to come from the right to be truly meant .. so
Do talk with him.
let us know how it goes & hopefully others will share their thoughts as well :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 11-03-2011 - 9:57am

Hi Esther and welcome -- so nice to have you on the board!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 5:16am
DH had bleeding gums ( almost heavy bleeding) and halitosis. I advised him to go to the periodontist because i thought it could be a bad case of gum disease. He got so defensive and accused me of picking on him. He totally neglected my advice and the gum disease got worse. I never mentioned again after he got so defensive with me. The halitosis was so bad, really really bad i had to leave our bedroom. Overtime he sat me down and inquired why i left the bedroom, we talked about it and again he got defensive, but this time he went to the periodontist. Who told him that that was the worst case of periodontitis he( periodontist) had ever seen. And it was the cause of halitosis. All this was due to poor oral habits. ( the periodontist pitied his wife for putting up with that) He begun treatment that lasted 18 months.
He never apologised to me for all the above even though everything was true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 5:58am
DH had bleeding gums ( almost heavy bleeding) and halitosis. I advised him to go to the periodontist because i thought it could be a bad case of gum disease. He got so defensive and accused me of picking on him. He totally neglected my advice and the gum disease got worse. I never mentioned again after he got so defensive with me. The halitosis was so bad, really really bad i had to leave our bedroom. Overtime he sat me down and inquired why i left the bedroom, we talked about it and again he got defensive, but this time he went to the periodontist. Who told him that that was the worst case of periodontitis he( periodontist) had ever seen. And it was the cause of halitosis. All this was due to poor oral habits. ( the periodontist pitied his wife for putting up with that) He begun treatment that lasted 18 months.
He never apologised to me for all the above even though everything was true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2011
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 6:00am

DH had bleeding gums ( almost heavy bleeding) and halitosis. I advised him to go to the periodontist because i thought it could be a bad case of gum disease. He got so defensive and accused me of picking on him. He totally neglected my advice and the gum disease got worse. I never mentioned again after he got so defensive with me. The halitosis was so bad, really really bad i had to leave our bedroom. Overtime he sat me down and inquired why i left the bedroom, we talked about it and again he got defensive, but this time he went to the periodontist. Who told him that that was the worst case of periodontitis he( periodontist) had ever seen. And it was the cause of halitosis. All this was due to poor oral habits. ( the periodontist pitied his wife for putting up with that) He begun treatment that lasted 18 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 7:53am

Well, it sounds like DH was being defensive because he knew you were right.

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