Dilemma

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2011
Dilemma
4
Mon, 05-23-2011 - 2:21pm

Recently my family moved to another city in order for my husband to take another position.

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
In reply to: moedutton
Mon, 05-23-2011 - 3:31pm

Welcome to the board.

What you're describing is a huge transition and huge stresses that go along with it (waiting for you house to sell, changing jobs, missing friends, living in a relative's house).

There are two ways of looking at your situation: a) making the best of it and b) adjusting the outcome somewhat

Making the best of it: can you keep job hunting to find something that is better suited to you? Can you find a place to live that is more suitable to your tastes? Have you considered taking a class or joining a club to meet other people with similar interests?

Adjusting the outcome: I know this sounds crazy but I commuted 1 1/2 hours one way to work for over 4 years. It was a huge sacrifice and there were times I couldn't believe I was sticking with it but it was an awesome opportunity and I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Would your university position even still be available to you? Are you sure you aren't looking back on it with rose-colored glasses? I know that after I've left a job I tend to forget the things that drove me crazy when I worked there.

You didn't mention if you have kids and that would have a huge impact on how you proceed. I would suggest that you talk to your husband, tell him honestly how you feel and see if the two of you can't come up with some possible solutions.

Bottom line: moving is difficult, even when it's your own decision, let alone when you went along to be supportive of someone else. You have to be patient and be willing to do everything you can to adjust before calling it a failure.

Good luck!

RoseAnn

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to: moedutton
Mon, 05-23-2011 - 6:50pm

Hi & welcome to the board :)

Have been in your shoes & I know how hard it is,
It is going to take time & you probably have to grin & bear it.
You knew all this when you told your DH ok I will be supportive of you.
Keep trying on the churches & if it's possible look for another job.
Is there some sort of community center you can find & join?
It will allow you to meet more people & make new friends.
It took me at least a year to get/be comfortable/happy after we moved.
Good luck & let us know how it's going :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
In reply to: moedutton
Tue, 05-24-2011 - 1:10am
When you move, it takes a lot longer than 4 mos to settle in and make friends. I don't think it's fair to say you want to be supportive but then not give it a chance. Stick with it and try the suggestions the others mentioned. If you try all that and it STILL isn't working out - then your DH has to see that you've given everything you could.

Since you don't like ANYTHING about your situation - I have to wonder if this is just a way of not participating? Why move into the house if you didn't like? Why not look for another job? Etc...deep down are you really supportive or are you purposefully disliking this whole situation so you can move back and SAY you were supportive?

Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: moedutton
Tue, 05-24-2011 - 10:31am

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