Do you hide purchases from your spouse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Do you hide purchases from your spouse?
17
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 3:09pm

There is a recent online article that claims that 80% of married couples hide some purchases from their spouses:

http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/111523/purchases-spouses-hide-from-each-other?mod=family-love_money

Have you ever hidden a purchase from DH? Did he find out about it? What happened if he did? Have you discovered purchases he has made without telling you? Is hiding purchases something that you/he has done once in awhile or is it a routine activity?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 3:46pm

No I don't hide things regularly but I do try to hide presents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2010
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 4:13pm

Where do I begin?...For many, many years now..I get myself in and out of debt!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2008
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 4:52pm

No I don't. I have no need to though. I'm by and large in control of finances because my husband is very forgetful and wouldn't be able to remember what bills needed to be paid and when. Also my husband will do just about anything to make me happy. If I wanted something, however unreasonable, he would let me have it. "No" is not really in the vocabulary. I don't ask for much though. I'm pretty responsible.

I think I am the way that I am because my mom is constantly lying about the purchases she makes and how much she spends to my dad. I saw how much it has ripped them apart & it still hurts their marriage to this day. She also got us into a lot of debt several times ($20,000+ in credit cards alone) so I'm very determined to avoid that.

On the other hand my husband is sometimes irresponsible and impulsive. A few months into our marriage I discovered he was secretly charging things on his personal credit card. I wasn't upset about the purchases (The sum of it all was probably about $400- not that bad, all things considered. He mostly was spending it on grabbing lunches, at the iTunes store or buying energy drinks.) but I was DEFINITELY hurt about the lying. Sometimes I would specifically ask "We paid your credit card off, didn't we?" and he would say "Yes" even though he had a balance of $100 or something that he had secretly put there. Not cool. I can't stand being lied to and having sneakiness going on right in front of my face. As the spouse that got lied to, I can tell you that it is very devastating.

Things are better now. Even though he doesn't handle the money I keep him in the loop so that he knows where we are financially. I know he hates debt as much as I do. Also if he wants to indulge in things I go along with it as much as possible because I don't want him to feel deprived. We considered doing the whole "separate allowances" thing but it just isn't financially feasible for us at this time. I think that's a good option though.

And if one partner has a more serious problem tied to emotional spending than I think the best option is to get rid of all credit cards. After everything first happened my husband gave his credit card to me. After about 3 months I gave it back once he said that he thought he could handle it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Sat, 12-11-2010 - 9:59am

DH and I have a standing rule, that we discuss any purchase over 50 dollars.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 8:32pm

Have you ever hidden a purchase from DH? ...I have yes. I have some hidden in bags now.

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 9:28pm

Have you ever hidden a purchase from DH?
Other than something for the kids or DH .. usually not

Did he find out about it?
Eventually yes, LOL

What happened if he did?
Nothing .. he is quite the laid back guy

Have you discovered purchases he has made without telling you?
A couple of coins but I did find out about them




Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 12:34pm

DH and I have joint accounts and there isn't really a way to make purchases without the other finding out. The only purchases we "hide" are gifts.

DH occasionally forgets to tell me about a purchase, usually something online, but it's not because he's hiding it. I always see them when I balance the checkbook and pay the credit card bills.

RoseAnn

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 12:36pm

It sounds like you need to sit down with your spouse and a financial planner, if possible, and go over *all* your income and expenses and prepare a realistic budget for yourself.

My DH also makes a lot more money than I do but I am fortunate that we pool all of our money so I never feel like I have to look elsewhere to meet my financial needs.

The first step is to start living within your means. That's where a budget will help you figure out what you can afford so that you aren't going further into debt for optional expenses.

Good luck!

RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 12:56pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 1:12pm

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