End of the Week Highs, Lows and Funnies
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End of the Week Highs, Lows and Funnies
| Thu, 07-26-2012 - 5:53pm |
I hope hugss doesn't mind me jumping in and starting a thread. I've noticed we have a lot of new posters lately and I thought it would be nice to draw people into a lighter conversation.
So, for this week, what is:
The High Moment?
The Low Moment?
A Funny Moment...
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<<their behavior is hurtful to you and you have to protect yourself so you are going to be creating boundaries.>>
Believe me, I have had this conversation with them more than once. My counselor during my divorce told me that...that I had to set boundaries with those who hurt me. I sat them both down the day before my wedding reception last year and told them that if they didn't at least spend half their time at my house (including sleeping over), then they were not to contact me at all. I thought they heard me because they did exactly that (for the first time) last Thanksgiving and we had a great time (other than they always choose to eat dinner with their father since HE has family around and I don't). Anyway, this time, I'm sure they felt that they were ONLY home for their father's family, so I just didn't count. But, I was only yards away and they couldn't even come over and say "hi" but the day they left. So, I held my ground and told them to go home and not bother. So, they already know how I feel about their favoritism towards their father & his family. No letter is needed. I feel like a broken record and I'm done. It's up to them from this point on.
As for the volunteering at an animal shelter...I HAVE thought of that, but, like you, I'd probably fall in love with a few and want to bring them home! You're lucky to have your in-laws close by to help out. Dh and I are both "orphans" here and have no family. 3 of his sisters live near his parents and they, like YOUR in-laws are always "dog sitting" for their DDs. We just aren't that lucky. sigh I may have to go to Petco one of these days just to pet a kitten or something.
So sorry to hear this about your dd's .. has to be hard I can only imagine.
Hoping they *get it* soon.
Hugs to you
High Moment: When DH and I had a wonderful chat about our life and our future on Friday. It was cuddly and romantic (yes, I was in a cuddly mood - amazing!!!)
Low Moment: I haven't heard from my mother all week. She decided to go home early and called me Sat morning. Instead of calling to say goodbye, she was calling to ask me to bring her $ over for watching my kids. She spent her week with me worrying about her DH's cousin and going out with her friends. And I only saw her that terrible day in the last weeks. Oh well, she sealed her fate with me - I will no longer try to spend time my mother. Clearly she has no interest in spending time w/me and my family - we just an obligation.
Funny moment: DS2 decided to sing me a song. He used a bowling pin as a mic and then threw is down and swayed his head like a rock star! He is quite the performer and makes me laugh.
Dee
Nice on the time & chat with your dh .. great when that happens!
Especially with the cuddling <g>
As for your Mom .. sorry but sure do understand how you feel ::sigh::
Aww too cute on ds singing that song & being a rock star <wink>
those are whatmakes great memories
Passion,
I totally do not understand your mother. I have just the opposite problem if you read MY post. I have daughters who don't seem to care about spending time with ME. That's all I want is for my DDs to want to spend time with me, but they prefer their father & his family.
I may have to do the same with MY DD's as you with your mother...just not bother trying to spend time with them. I texted DD20 who lives right in my backyard at her father's and asked her to walk with me tonight after we both get off work. As usual, she said she was tired. I told her I wouldn't ask again. Period. I give up, but my older 2 DDs are adults (28 and 26), so I keep thinking someday they'll grow up and WANT to spend time with me. (They live out of state, so I only see them once or twice a year anyway. I, too, feel like an obligation.
Hopefully this week will be better than last week.
{{{Passion}}}
IMO, the hardest part about setting boundaries is following through on the consequences if someone doesn't hold up their end of the bargain.
From what you describe, you've given your DDs ample warning that you refuse to be treated the way they've treated you in the past.
A good friend of mine once said "You teach people how to treat you." If you demonstrate that you are unwilling to tolerate their poor behavior, you are not only demanding better treatment for yourself but you are hopefully also demonstrating that they are worth the same and they might take that lesson to heart if someone else is not treating them right.
{{{Hugs}}}
RoseAnn
I did hear from DD28 (email) and she didn't understand my thinking of why I was upset that they didn't spend time with me when I KNEW it was all about their grandfather's funeral. (Everything was OVER by Monday night, so she really had no excuse to stay with me.) When I wrote DD28, I did use the example <<if one of her sisters lived in her town and I ALWAYS stayed with her instead of DD28, how would SHE feel??>> Most likely hurt and feel that I was playing favorites. I hope she thinks about that.
So...maybe they learned a valuable lesson, or maybe not. Maybe seeing me isn't as important to them as seeing their father and his family. I don't know. Time will tell.
And, as far as how they treat me...I probably DID let them run all over me and put their feelings before my own. So, now, they just think I should accept that THEIR feelings come first and not mine...like it's always been. So, you're right...they don't like it now. DD26 and I have had the same argument too many times...she thinks I should put THEIR feelings first and I think they should think of MINE. Like I said, stalemate. I always think if their father could have put our family first and stayed married to me as my father did my mother, my DDs and I wouldn't be having these problems.
Obviously, I don't miss my ex and am glad I'm not married to him the way he was, but I DO miss being a whole family like we used to be.
Thanks for the hug. Right back at ya!
MJ
It's not too late and oncve they wise up, they will always be wise
My mother put her child ren first always. I guess now she feels like it's her turn to spend time w/friends instead of family. But she did do tons of fun things w/my brother's children and nothing with mine. Of course, she came down for my brother and he pays her well. I do not.
My MIL babysat for us today as we had a miscommunication with our sitter. It was obvious to me she was happy to see the kids. She complained about her "pay" being late (Dh forgot to pay her on her last day).
But at least she came on short notice!!!
Dee
Paying a grandmother to watch her own grandkids, to me, is like paying the father to "babysit". I don't get it. My brother used to fly my mother to AZ to watch his 2 kids when they had Spring break and he his wife both had to work. I'm gonna guess, knowing my mother & brother, she got paid. I guess I could see that as otherwise, the kids would have had to go to a sitter which probably would have cost more than my mother. I don't know. I was a SAHM, so never had that problem.
Are your brother's kids older than yours? My mother wasn't real "into" my kids when I had them, I think, because my sister already had had 3 kids by the time I started my family. Plus, we didn't live near my family, so my kids didn't know my parents all that well.
We have DSGS4 every other weekend, and, I guess I'm a LITTLE like you mother in that because I always put my kids first, that now it's MY time to have fun and have adventures. I also am a newlywed, so really cherish my weekends with my new husband. We have him EOW because dh's son is NO father at all (drug abuser who now doesn't see his son) and DSGS's mother likes to live the single life on the weekends, so she either takes him to her mother's or here. I keep telling dh that Saturday - Sunday is enough, but he's always afraid if he doesn't take him Friday - Sunday, then she'll take him to her mother's and he won't get to see him. He has a bond with his grandson that I don't have, so has a need to see him that I don't. I told him last night since we have no plans this weekend, that we should go somewhere and he immediately said, "We have P this weekend." So..yea...I guess I'm a bit like your mom in that regard...just prefer to do my own thing and have fun! However, unlike your mother, I don't have any grandchildren of my own yet, so maybe it'll be different by then. It won't matter much anyway, since my older 2 live so far away. I'm just gonna end up being one of those "skype' grandmas.