Help- husband falling into debt

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2002
Help- husband falling into debt
8
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 10:42pm

Hello!

Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

I have been remarried for 6 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 10:07am

One of the most important things we ever did for our marriage was to "marry" our finances.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 7:35pm

I have re-read your post a few times and I don't have a clue how to answer you except what other people have said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 4:30am

What you should do is pay a percentage

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 11:22pm

I am also one of the couples who pools their money. I agree with the poster who said it's strange that you would "loan" your husband money and that he has to ask you for money. Why don't you just say no if you are so upset by this? You don't have to give him $ for a haircut...you could offer to trim it for him. Or tell him you think it looks sexy when it gets a little long - you can run your fingers through it. I'm being tongue-in-cheek here...but maintaining a sense of humour instead of getting stressed will make things a LOT better in the long run!

What I have done in both my long term r/ships is control all the money. See if he will open a joint account that all your money goes into...then you allot a certain amount of spending $ for each of you based on your budget. We have $300/mo each to spend on everything from haircuts to starbucks coffees. But when the $ is gone, it's gone. I don't give him ANY of mine! I'm a saver so I'll whittle away $5 or $10 of that spending money and buy myself something luxurious like a massage. While he runs out before the time is up...

Not to be a financial dictator, as Roseanne wrote - you plan everything together. It's just up to you to create the budget and follow it. It's a lot less stressful and it's easier for him to understand the big picture. He'll also understand that it's not really fair to ask you for your spending money just bc he spent more than you.

My husband was off work once and he did the day labour thing. He shovelled orange powdered cheese into a production line. It was hard and dirty work but he did it to show me that he'd do anything for me. I paid off a lot of his debts and he didn't want me to resent him - he also wanted to reassure me that when we had children, he would do whatever he needed to do to provide for them. In the end, that's all we can ask :)

GL,

Dee

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 12:20pm
Nice to see you here :)

Thanks so much for your input ,
Hope we'll see you here again :)




Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 12:20pm

Welcome to the board :)

Yikes .. tough situation here you have, sorry about that.
Well honestly since dH & I have always *pooled* all our monies.
Guess you just need to sit down & have a heart to heart talk with him.
He should keep looking for work so after his ankle/foot is better hopefully he will find something
Good luck & am sure others will share their thoughts as well so do check back.
Also let us know how things are going :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 9:14am

Hi when I read your post it reminded me of my ex boyfriend. We were together for 6 years and we lived together for 3. He always struggled with money and I always had to pay more. I was earning slightly more but that is not the point, he simply had no sense when it came to finances and all bills were in my name. I regret putting everything in my name because in the end it ruined my credit and I had to apply for bankruptcy. I resent him for putting me in that position and it is one of the reasons why we broke up. However, I know that I am responsible too because I allowed it to happen. With that being said, I never looked it as there is my money and then there is his money. We lived together and everything was ours. For me it is very strange that you are keeping track of how much money you gave him, he is your husband after all and not a friend that your loaning money to. Stop doing that because you will start resenting him more and more. You really need to sit down and work out a budget together. It is very important for him to realize the seriousness of the situation but keep in mind that men get very defensive when it comes to situations like this, well most men anyways. He needs to step it up once his surgery is over, try to find a better paying job. I hope it works out, xo

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Mon, 07-25-2011 - 11:25pm

DH and I are fairly comfortable financially right now but that wasn't always the case. In the early years of our marriage, we had to watch money very closely and have our priorities in order so that things didn't fall behind.

It sounds like you need to sit down together and talk about your financial goals. Because DH and I have always had joint accounts, all of the money coming in is "ours" and we agree on how to best spend it. Necessities, like car insurance and loan payments come before optional expenses like hair cuts and eating out.

Both DH and I have hobbies that we enjoy spending money on but we only do so when the household budget can afford those luxuries.

Even when money was tight, we allowed for a certain amount for both of us to spend at our discretion but there was no "borrowing" more until the next payday. Once that ran out, it was gone. No money for gas? Guess it's time to look into carpooling or utilizing public transportation. In the early days, our discretionary allowance was ~$100/month. That has to be spent pretty carefully to last 4 whole weeks!

I hope you can find a resolution to these issues that works for both of you. Please post back and let us know how things are going!

RoseAnn