How did you know he was the one?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
How did you know he was the one?
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 12:18pm

Does anyone have a more specific answer, besides the usual "I just knew"? I'm very curious to know what made you realize he was the man for you, forever. Was there a moment? A personality trait of his?

My boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties, have been dating for about six months, and have just moved in together. I have never been this happy in my life. I think he's the one! I can't pinpoint how I know, but since we're not even engaged yet (we're talking marriage and kids though), I have plenty of time to figure out how I know he's the one.

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 3:11pm

Welcome to the board!

I'm glad you warned us against using the standard cliche "you just know" because that is how I would have answered. LOL

I hadn't dated anyone prior to DH so I didn't have anything to compare against but when I met him, I knew right away that I enjoyed spending time with him.

As we got to know each other better, I discovered that we had the same values and similar goals in life. We laugh at the same things and that is more true now after 16 years of marriage because we have all that time together to have shared experiences and short hand language.

It's good that you're taking the time now to talk about marriage and kids because a lot of heartbreak can be avoided by keeping the lines of communication open. Be honest with each other and share your expectations so that neither of you is blindsided by something that they assumed you agreed on.

I look forward to getting to know you here and would love to hear more about you and your boyfriend; how you met, where you live, what you like to do...

RoseAnn (married 16 years to Robert; stepmom to one, grandma to two, fur-mom to two :smileywink: )

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 10:57pm
Welcome to the board,
OK aside from * just knowing* <g>
We enjoyed being with each other & learned we had so much in common.
Even though our up bringings were different our values were similar.

It's great you're taking your time.
Good luck & keep us updated on how you guys are doing :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 2:55pm

This question made me a bit sad as, at age 19, I thought I HAD found "the one".  27 years later, I found out I was wrong and that my ex didn't feel the same about me.  We met in college and he was smart, kind and responsible and I THOUGHT we both put family first.  So, it was very painful all those years later to find out how wrong I was.  People change (which he did), so sometimes I guess the person we knew disappears and someone else just isn't the person we had fallen in love with. 

With dh #2, I'm not sure there was ever a moment I knew he was "the one".  I remember during our "dating days", I had fallen asleep on his couch and when I woke up, he was sitting on the floor just looking at me with so much love.  Maybe that's when I knew as I had never been looked at like that before.  He looked at me the same way when he proposed to me the first time.  Dh #1 NEVER looked at me that way.  Dh #2 makes me feel special, loved and we have so much fun together.  He also takes care of me in ways I was never taken care of before.  We are VERY different people in many ways, but the love we have for each other and the committment is definitely there. 

Best of luck to you!

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 5:16pm

It makes me sad that this makes you sad. :smileysad:

I married young (22) so I don't want you to take this the wrong way but so much changes for an individual after the age of 19. You're just starting adulthood at that point, figuring out *yourself* and adding another person who is also figuring out themselves is sometimes just too much for a relationship.

It obviously doesn't help when one person changes vastly or doesn't reveal their true self until many years later.

I have often contemplated how fortunate it is that DH and I have grown and changed together and managed to stay going in the same direction rather than growing apart as some couples do. Some of that is conscious effort but some of it is just our good fortune that we are moving in the same general path.

I also wonder sometimes if a painful first marriage like you describe was just preparing you to be so wholly appreciative of the love you get from your current DH. I think it's awesome that you are so aware of that but you might have taken it for granted had your life experience been different.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Sat, 08-25-2012 - 11:43am


   << It obviously doesn't help when one person changes vastly or doesn't reveal their true self until many years later>>.

This is exactly what happened in my first marriage.  My DD26 once told me years ago that I was still in love with the man I feel in love with at age 19 and he wasn't that man anymore.  The ex also said during the divorce that HE had changed and I hadn't and that was absolutely true.  He emotionally abused me for many years and didn't care.  The man I fell in love with when I was young CARED about me...this man didn't. 

That IS the great thing about loving and losing...that when you truly find it, you NEVER take it for granted as people probably do in their first marriages. And, at the ages of my dh and me...not a day goes by that we don't remember how lucky we are to have found it finally and so late in life. It DOES make you more appreciative of the little things. I did everything in my first marriage...things that ususallly dhs' do and the ex didn't care. Dh wouldn't DREAM of letting me do certain things and he makes me feel SO taken care of. I never felt that in my first marriage. The ex never looked at me the way dh does. I know now, but I DID love my ex very much and financially, he DID take good care of me. I had choices in my life that many women don't have regarding whether I wanted to work ot nor and he supported whatever I wanted to do while I was raising our girls.

I worry now, after having an ex grow apart from me (work was his place of solace and his co-workers became his family) that my DD28 is following in his path. She just got a promotion and is working long hours now and THEN sometimes going out with her co-workers without her SO. She is definitely the breadwinner as her SO is an artist who works out of her home. They love each other definitely, but I wonder over the long haul if this relationship will last. Will SHE, like her father, feel like "nothing more than a checkbook" at some point (his words). Her stepmother's first husband was also an artist and when they divorced, I heard it was because he wasn't pulling his weight financially and she got tired of supporting him. (Ironically, the ex has now been unemployed for 5 years, so she is again supporting another unemployed man). Anyway, I'm not going to worry about it, but it does concern me. I like her SO and only want the best for my DD, but a mother can't help but worry, especially after all I've been through. I would just hate to see history repeat itself as she is definitely her father's daughter in EVERY way. 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 12:37am

I wasn't truly 100% sure...but DH was. He always knew where I didn't. I think having had many r/ships (almost all of them wonderful) might have confused me more. I was proposed to by 4 other men before DH. I wasn't sure they were "wrong"...just sure I wasn't READY.

We never had infatuation or lust. Just tenderness, friendship and like-mindedness.

I did know he was different when he slept over Friday and went home Monday morning. I used to find excuses to kick men out of my home bc I wanted some alone time. With DH, I never wanted him to leave :smileyhappy:


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2010
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 9:58pm

I was engaged once before I was married and my fiance passed away before the wedding took place. I loved him, but I had doubts that were not worth calling the wedding off for as I assumed that they would be resolved eventually. When he passed away, I lost a lover and a friend and it was a while before I went back out and started dating again. When I did, I immeadiately met my husband. Our relationship was different. We were together for a year until we got engaged. I had no doubts and we were married less than two years before we met. Even though it isn't what you're looking for, it just felt right. I had no doubts. I really don't think that there is any other way to explain it. When you know, you know, and it seems like you have the right idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2009
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 3:18pm

There were a couple of things that DH did while we were dating that really made it clear that he was the kind of man I wanted to be with forever.  At the end of our first date he told me he'd call me the next afternoon.  He called me at 12:03 the next afternoon, and later told me that he actually had to find things to do because he couldn't wait to call me and didn't want to seem too eager, so he called as soon as it was "afternoon" instead of earlier in the day.  The two biggest things I got from that were the fact that he keeps his word, and that he wanted to be in contact with me, even over the phone, so badly that he could barely wait to9 even talk to me.  

For about the first year or so that we dated we met out and drove home separately because of where we both lived and where we were meeting to get together.  I normally texted him when I got home so he'd know I got home safe.  One night about a year after we started dating my text didn't go through and I didn't answer my phone when he tried to call (it was in the bottom of my purse on silent) so he drove 40 minutes out of his way, at 1 am, to drive by my house and make sure my car was in the driveway and I had gotten home safely.  After that he always picked me up, even though it was out of his way, because he wanted to make sure that I got home safe.  That was really more of an aww moment than a moment showing anything, lol, but it was one that's really stuck with me as a really sweet thing that he did.

The one think that I think really sticks out the most as far as him being "the one" is the fact that we weren't ust dating, or ust boyfriend and girlfriend, or whatever other way that you want to qualify your relationship, he was also my friend, and over time he became my best friend.  I've been in a lot of relationships where I later realized that even though we were a couple, we were never really friends, we didn't really like each other enough to honestly be friends as well as being in a romantic relationship.  With DH we do have that.  I'm not saying that he's my only friend, or that he's fulfilling all of my needs, but he and I being friends and truly liking each other has really added a lot to this relationship that I never had in othe relationships.  

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